LL Christians and Lay-Elders too,
For Shame amend your Lives;
I’ll tell you of a Dog-trick now,
Which much concerns you Wives:
An Elder’s Maid near Temple-Bar,
(Ah! what a Quean was she?)
Did take an ugly Mastiff Cur,
Where Christians use to be.
Help House of Commons, House of Peers,
Oh now or never help!
Th’ Assembly hath not sat Four Years,
Yet hath brought forth a Whelp.
One Evening late she stept aside,
Pretending to fetch Eggs;
And there she made her self a Bride,
To one that had four Legs:
Her Master heard a Rumblement,
And wonder she did tarry;
Not dreaming (without his consent)
His Dog would ever Marry.
Help House of Commons, &c.
He went to peep, but was afraid,
And hastily did run,
To fetch a Staff to help his Maid,
Not knowing what was done:
He took his Ruling Elders Cane,
And cry’d out help, help, here;
For Swash our Mastiff, and poor Jane,
Are now fight Dog, fight Bear.
Help House of Commons, &c.
But when he came he was full sorry,
For he perceiv’d their Strife;
That according to the Directory,
They Two were Dog and Wife:
Ah! (then said he) thou cruel Quean,
Why hast thou me beguil’d?
I wonder Swash was grown so lean,
Poor Dog he’s almost spoil’d.
Help House of Commons, &c.
I thought thou hadst no Carnal Sense,
But what’s in our Lasses:
And could have quench’d thy Cupiscence,
According to the Classes:
But all the Parish see it plain,
Since thou art in this pickle;
Thou art an Independent Quean,
And lov’st a Conventicle.
Help House of Commons, &c.
Alas now each Malignant Rogue,
Will all the World perswade;
That she that’s Spouse unto a Dog,
May be an Elder’s Maid:
They’ll jeer us if abroad we stir,
Good Master Elder stay;
Sir, of what Classis is your Cur?
And then what can we say?
Help House of Commons, &c.
They’ll many graceless Ballads sing,
Of a Presbyterian;
That a Lay Elder is a thing
Made up half Dog, half Man:
Out, out, said he, (and smote her down)
Was Mankind grown so scant?
There’s scarce another Dog in Town,
Had took the Covenant.
Help House of Commons, &c.
Then Swash began to look full grim,
And Jane did thus reply;
Sir, you thought nought too good for him,
You fed your Dog too high:
’Tis true he took me in the lurch,
And leap’d into my Arms;
But (as I hope to come at Church)
I did your Dog no harm.
Help House of Commons, &c.
Then she was brought to Newgate Gaol,
And there was Naked stripp’d;
They whipp’d her till the Cords did fail,
As Dogs us’d to be whipp’d:
Poor City Maids shed many a Tear,
When she was lash’d and bang’d;
And had she been a Cavalier,
Surely she had been hang’d.
Help House of Commons, &c.
Hers was but Fornication found,
For which she felt the Lash:
But his was Bugg’ry presum’d,
Therefore they hanged Swash:
What will become of Bishops then,
Or Independency?
For now we find both Dogs and Men,
Stand up for Presbytry.
Help House of Commons, &c.
She might have took a Sow-gelder,
With Synod-men good store,
But she would have a Lay-Elder,
With Two Legs and Two more:
Go tell the Assembly of Divines,
Tell Adoniram blue;
Tell Burgess, Marshall, Case and Vines,
Tell Now-and-Anon too.
Help House of Commons, &c.
Some say she was a Scottish Girl,
Or else (at least) a Witch;
But she was born in Colchester,
Was ever such a Bitch:
Take heed all Christian Virgins now,
The Dog-Star now prevails;
Ladys beware your Monkeys too,
For Monkeys have long Tails.
Help House of Commons, &c.
Bless King and Queen, and send us Peace,
As we had Seven Years since:
For we remember no Dog-days,
While we enjoy’d our Prince:
Bless sweet Prince Charles, Two Dukes, Three Girls,
Lord save his Majesty;
Grant that his Commons, Lords, and Earls,
May lead such lives as He.
Help House of Commons, &c.
Plain Proof Ruin’d:
Or, a Grand CHEAT Discover’d.
[[Listen]]
BOld Impudent Fuller invented a Plot,
And all to discover the Devil knows what;
About a young Bantling strangely begot.
Which no body can deny.
The better to cheat both the Fools and the Wise,
He Impos’d on a Nation a Hundred of Lies;
That none but a Knight of the Post could devise.
Which no body can deny.
He tells us he had the Honour to peep,
In the Warming-pan where the Welch Infant did sleep;
And found out a Plot which was Damnable deep,
Which no Body can believe.
Then to the Wise Senate he suddenly went,
Where he told all the Lies that he then could invent,
For which he was Voted a Rogue by consent,
Which no Body can deny.
And tho’ he was Punish’d for that his Offence,
He has almost forgot it, it was so long since,
Therefore the whole Game he began to Commence,
Which no Body can deny.
Then he to the Lords his bold Letters did send,
And told the high Peers, that the Plot he could mend,
And make it as plain, as he first did pretend,
Which no Body can deny.
He told them his Witnesses were mighty Men,
That wou’d come to the Town, tho’ the Devil knows when,
And make William Fuller once famous agen,
Which no Body can deny.
The Lords they were Generous, Noble and Kind,
And allowed him Freedom his ’Squires to find,
The which he will do when the Devil is Blind,
Which no Body can deny.
So the Peers they declared him a scandalous Sot,
And none thinks him fit to manage a Plot,
If Newgate and Tyburn does fall to his Lot,
There’s no Body will deny.
They gave him no more time than himself did require,
To find out his Jones and the wandering ’Squire,
But the time being come, they were never the nigher,
Which no Body can deny.
The brave House of Commons next for him did send,
To hear what the Block-headly Fool wou’d pretend,
Who humbly request, that they wou’d him befriend,
Which no Body can deny.
One day he declar’d they were near London Town,
But the very next Day into Wales they were flown,
Such nimble Heel’d Witnessess never were known,
Which no Body can deny.
When being Examin’d about his sham Plot,
He answer’d as though he had minded them not,
Perhaps the Young Rogue had his Lesson forgot,
Which no Body can deny.
But after some Study and impudent Tales,
Ask’d for a Commission to march into Wales,
And be Chang’d to a Herse, as Rogues goes to Gaols,
Which no Body can deny.
But seeing his Impudence still to abound,
To go search for the Men who were not to be found,
They immediately sent him back to Fleet Pound,
Which no Body can deny.
From the Fleet to the Cart may he quickly advance
To learn the true Steps of old Oates’s New Dance,
And something beside, or it is a great Chance,
Which no Body can deny.
He has made it a Trade to be doing of Wrong,
In Swearing, and Lying, and Cheating so long,
For all his Life time, he’s been at it ding dong,
Which no Body can deny.
Welch Taffy he raves and crys Splutterdenails,
He’s abused hur Highness with Lies and with Tales,
Hur will hang hur if e’er hur can catch hur in Wales,
Which no Body will deny.