Joe: Ah wants you to know, Misteh Porteh, it warnt makin no trouble fo white folks what got me in his place. It was a black man what Ah cut. Ah had a little yellah gal, an dat niggeh hadnt no business to be foolin wid her. Ah wouldn’t a done him no real harm, if it hadnt been dat he come on me so quick, Ah didn’t have a chance to bend mah razor back. You knows how it is wid razors?
Porter: No, Joe, I don’t think I ever fought with razors.
Joe: Well, you bends him back, all de way roun, an den you only got bout a half inch of blade, an he doan cut so deep, you cant do no real harm. But Ah mos cut dat black man’s neck through, so de jedge, he give it to me hard. Ah says to him, Jedge, if you knowed what Ah knows bout dat niggeh, you’d pay me fo service to de state of Ohio. But it was a Yankee jedge, an he doan smile.
Porter: He gave you life?
Joe: Not dat bad—twenty years. Ah reckons to git six years an eight months off fo good behavior—an den, Misteh Porteh, Ah’s goin back to de good ole state of Tennessee. Dey got me up hyar to work in de steel mills—Ah thought Ah’d make some money an buy me a tater patch an a mule; but Ah’s goin back home, wha dey knows what a genleman is. You comes from de South, Misteh Porteh?
Porter: North Carolina.
Joe: Ah knowed it! Dey was somethin in de way you looked at me. Mah ole daddy belonged to de Jedge Adair famly. You ever heah of de Judge Adair famly in Nashville? Ah lak to tell you bout dat famly, Misteh Porteh, den you see Ah knows what a genleman is, an how to talk to em.
Porter: Sit down, Joe.
Joe: Naw, suh, Ah reckon Ah keep circulatin dis hyar broom roun jes a bit—de capn he might come a driftin in hyar, an you knows how it is, Ah doan take no littlest chance fo to lose mah job as trusty—Ah wants to spend dem extra six years an eight months in de state of Tennessee, an not in de state of Ohio. Well, de Jedge Adair famly was one of de tip-top families, dey was sho nuff quality. But den de wah come, an you know how de Yankees come to Nashville, an de slaves was free. Mah ole daddy wanted to stick by de famly, but dey couldn’t keep him, dey didn’t have enough to eat fo dem selves. De Jedge he died, an dey was only Miss Azalea Adair lef, an dey was dis fine ole mansion all fallin in ruins, an dis fine lady livin in it an not enough to eat. She done married a man—he jes married her fo to live off what he thought she had, an when she doan have no money he curse her an he strike her—yes, Misteh Porteh, an you knows what would be goin on in de heart of an old slave what was raised in de famly, an knowin things was goin on like dat, an Miss Azalea Adair so proud, an hidin it all from de world. Well, mah ole daddy he got out an work fo de Yankees and save up an buy him a hack an a horse, an he drive, an make a little money, an when he know Miss Azalea Adair not have anything to eat, he take her a dollar or two. An den Major Caswell—dat’s de husban’s name—he find out she got dat money, an he take it away from her, so he kin go down an show off in de bar-room of de big hotel, struttin roun an treatin all de genlemen what he know. You ever hear anything like dat in de South, Misteh Porteh?
Porter: No, I can’t say I ever did.