Love's Pilgrimage: A Novel

by Upton Sinclair

And so, half wild with grief and despair, Cedric wandered forth into the world; and after great suffering, the birds took pity upon him, and gave him advice—that he should seek Caradrion.

“‘Caradrion?’ cried Cedric, starting up,
‘Speak swiftly, ere too late, where dwelleth he?’
‘Ah, that I know not,’ spake the little voice,
‘Yet keep thy courage, seek thou out the stork,
The ancient stork that saw from earliest days,
Sitting in primal contemplation lost,
Sphinx-like, seraphic, and oracular,
Watching the strange procession of men’s dreams.’”

But the stork was cruel and would not heed him, and led Cedric a weary chase through the marshes and the brakes. But Cedric pursued, and finally seized the bird by the throat, and forced the secret from him—

“‘Fare southward still,
Fronting the sun’s midnoon, all-piercing shaft,
Unto the land where daylight burns as fire;
Where the rank earth in choking vapor steams,
And fierce luxurious vegetation reeks.
So shalt thou come upon a seamèd rock,
Towering to meet the sun’s fierce-flashing might,
Baring its granite forehead to the sky.
There on its summit, in a cavern deep,
Dwells what thou seekest, half a bird, half man,
Caradrion, the consecrate to pain.’”

Then came the long journey and the search for the seamèd rock.

“‘Twas night; and vapors, curling, choked the ground,
And the rock writhed like flesh of one in pain.
But Cedric mounted up to find the cave,
Crying aloud: ‘I seek Caradrion.’
And so, till from the cavern depth a voice:
‘Come not, except to sorrow thou be born.’
And Cedric, panting, stretched his shrunken arms:
‘Another’s sorrow would I change to joy,
And mine own joy to sorrow; help thou me.’
To which the voice, sunk low, replied: ‘Come thou.’
And Cedric came, unfearing, in the dark,
And saw in gloomy night a form in pain,
With wings stretched wide, and beating faint and fast.
‘Art thou Caradrion?’ he murmured swift,
And echo gave reply, ‘Caradrion’.”

So Cedric told of his errand, and pleaded for help; he heard the answer of the voice:

“‘Yea, I can save her, if thou be a soul
That can dare pain and face the rage of fate;
A soul that feareth not to look on death.’
‘Speak on,’ said Cedric, shaking, and he spoke:
‘This is my law, that am Caradrion,
Whose way is sorrow and whose end is death;
That by my pain some fleeting grace I win,
Some joy unto another I can give.
Far through this world of woe I seek, and find
Some soul crushed utterly, and steeped in pain;
And when it sleeps, I stoop on silent wing,
And with a kiss take all its woe away—
Take it for mine, and then into this cave
Return alone, the blessing’s price to pay.’
Then up sprang Cedric. ‘Nay,’ he,’ cried, ‘then swift,
Ere life be gone!’ But once more spake the voice:
‘Nay, boy, my race is run, my power is spent;
This hope alone I give thee, as thou wilt;
Whoso stands by and sees my heart-throb cease,
Who tastes its blood, my power and form are his,
And forth he fares in solitary flight,
Caradrion, the consecrate to pain.
And so my word is said; now hide thee far
In the cave’s night, and wrestle there in prayer.’
But Cedric said, ‘My prayer is done; I wait.’
So in the cave the hours of night sped by,
And sounds came forth as when a woman fights
In savage pain a life from hers to free.”

Then in the dawn a dark shadow flew from the cave, and sped across the blue, and came to the little vale, where Eileen lay dying, as he had seen her in the vision in the “haggard woman’s” cavern.

“Then Cedric sprang, and cried, ‘My love! Eileen!’
And Eileen heard him not; nor knew he wept.—
For mighty sorrow burst from out his heart,
And flooded all his being, and he sunk,
And moaned: ‘Eileen, I love thee! Yea, I love,
And loved thee ever; and I can not think
That I shall never gaze upon thee more.
My life for thine—ah, that were naught to give,
Meant not the gift to see thee nevermore!
Never to hear thy voice. Nay, nay, Eileen,
Gaze on me, speak to me, give me but one word,
And I will go and never more return.’
But Eileen answered not; he touched her hand,
And she felt nothing. Then he whispered, low,
‘Oh, may God keep thee—for it must be done—
Guard thee, and bless thee, thou my soul’s delight!
And when thou waken’st, wilt thou think of me,
Of Cedric, him that loved thee, oh so true?
Nay, for they said thou shouldst no sorrow know,
And that would be a sorrow, yea, it would.
And must thou then forget me, thou my love?
And canst not give me but one single word,
To tell me that I do not die in vain?
Gaze at me, Eileen, see, thy love is here,
Here as of old, above thee stooping light,
To press a kiss upon thy tender lips.—
Ah, I can kiss thee—kiss thee, my Eileen,
Kiss as of yore, with all my passion’s woe!’
And as he spoke he pressed her to his heart,
Long, long, with yearning, and he felt the leap
Of molten metal through his throbbing veins;
His eyes shot fire, and anguish racked his limbs,
And he fell back, and reeled, and clutched his brow.
An instant only gazed he on her face,
And saw new life within her gray cheek leap,
And her dark eyelids tremble. Then with moan,
And fearful struggle, swift he fled away,
That she might nothing of his strife perceive.
And then, reminded of his gift of flight,
He started from the earth, and beat aloft,
Each sweep of his great wings a torture-stroke
Upon his fainting heart. And thus away,
With languid flight he moved, and Eileen, raised
In new-born joy from off her couch of pain,
Saw a strange bird into the distance fade.”