“Ah, but have I?” cried the boy wildly.
“Why not? Surely you will no longer be led by such false teaching!”
“No, sir. But see what I have done! Why I am liable to be sent to jail—for I don't know how long.”
“You mean for last night?” asked the doctor. “But no one will ever know about that. You may start again and live a true life.”
“Ah,” cried Samuel, “but the memory of it will haunt me—I can never forgive myself!”
“We are very fortunate,” said the other gravely, “if we have only a few things in our lives that we cannot forget, and that we cannot forgive ourselves.”
The worthy doctor had been anticipating a long struggle to bring the young criminal to see the error of his ways; but instead, he found that he had to use his skill in casuistry to convince the boy that he was not hopelessly sullied. And when at last Samuel had been persuaded that he might take up his life again, there was nothing that would satisfy him save to go back where he had been before, and take up that struggle with starvation.
“I must prove that I can conquer,” he said—“I yielded to the temptation once, and now I must face it.”
“But, Samuel,” protested the doctor, “it is no man's duty to starve. You must let me help you, and find some useful work for you, and some people who will be your friends.”
“Don't think I am ungrateful,” cried the boy—“but why should I be favored? There are so many others starving, right here in this town. And if I am going to love them and serve them, why should I have more than they have? Wouldn't that be selfish of me? Why, sir, I'd be making profit out of my repentance!”