“And it’s what they call culture?”
“Yes of course the very fanciest there is.”
“Well,” I says, “there’s nothing in the world too good for us so let’s us go over there and get their culture in exchange for the debts. We can build a lot of fine steamships, and send a million or two of our people over, and the Dagoes can put them up at good hotels and feed them and wait on them and show them round and explain things to them. And for them that don’t care for art and high-brow things, there’ll be girl-shows and stuff that will surely be better than paying bootleggers for what they give us in these here coffee-cups.”
Well Mom that broke up our party. Mr. Edgerton was so excited that he got up and rushed right off to tell the Spokesman. He left me to walk home alone in the cold and it was only then that I begun to think about one thing I had forgot and that is who is to get the chanced to collect them debts in Europe? I would sure like a trip to Paris myself and I know my folks could stand a lot more culture than they’ll ever pick up in the gas-house district of Camden New Jersey. But I guess Mom we had better not be greedy I’ve a notion it will be with the trips to Europe like it is with the electric coops and the squirrel-skin coats—the people that gets them will be them that has already got more than they can use.
Your dutiful
Mame.
LETTER V
IN WHICH I LISTEN TO GOSSIP
Dear Mom:
Well, I have had my first failure in my new job of telling the Spokesman what to say to the American people. I went out to-day and bought the afternoon paper and He hadn’t said a word of what I had told Mr. Edgerton to tell Him to say. He had talked about the money them Dago nations owes us but all He said was that the debts was a sacred obligation and the American people would exact a settlement. But Mom you can see that aint saying nothing when there aint enough money in the whole world to pay them and we couldn’t let them send us goods without ruining all our industries. How can they pay except like I said by our sending over tourists for them to feed? I am greatly disappointed in the Spokesman.