They informed me, I am sorry to say, that white men had often been sent to trade with them for their robes and skins, and had cheated them by giving less and poorer goods for their things than they had promised; thus getting their robes for little or nothing, and telling them that they would send them horses, and then never doing it.
CHAPTER VIII.
SYMPTOMS OF DEATH—NO HOPES OF LIVING—PONCA MANNER OF BURYING THE DEAD—DREAD OF HAVING MY BODY MANGLED BY THE WOLVES—DECIDE TO BARGAIN WITH THE INDIANS TO CUT UP MY BODY AND TAKE IT TO MY FRIENDS—HAPPY ASSURANCE THAT I SHOULD LIVE, ETC.
On Christmas day my knee and right side were badly swollen. I had been suffering much pain for two days, and I feared if it continued the disease would strike inwardly, and that if so, I could not live. At noon my knee was nearly as large as my head; but it did not hurt me to walk slowly, and I concluded that I would go and pray, believing it would be the last time I would be able to do so, for my faith about living had left me, and I felt that I could not live twenty-four hours longer.
I had always felt very indifferent about what might become of my body after death, but now I felt quite the reverse.
The Ponca Indians bury their dead in a shallow hole, packing a mound of sward over the body. The ground was so deeply frozen that if I died and the Indians tried to give me a decent burial, they could not possibly dig up much sod to put over me, not enough to protect me from the wolves, which were very numerous around the camp. The idea of my body being pulled limb from limb, and scattered all over the country, caused me to feel very sad, for you must know I felt sure I should die, and that too in a few hours.
It was a most horrible feeling, for I could almost fancy I saw my body being pulled to pieces and my bones picked clean of flesh and sinew, and scattered all over the country.
While these horrible thoughts were passing through my mind I was steadily nearing my prayer room, where, on arriving, I knelt down and prayed as I never had before.
In presenting myself to the Lord, I stated my feelings as I have described them, asking Him to spare my life if it was His will, for I was anxious to see the Saints again; but if not, I said, "O Lord, Thy will be done!" I asked Him to protect my body, when buried, from the wolves, that it might not be scattered to the four winds. I said, "spare it, oh, my Father, and let it rest in peace, until it is Thy will to visit some of my brethren with dream or with vision, that they may know of my death, and the location of this poor feeble body."