| Anticipation: | Realization: |
|---|---|
| An olive drab uniform | An olive drab uniform |
| That fits as snugly as a glove, | Made to fit a fat man, |
| Bringing admiring glances from the girls. | Bringing smiles and giggles from the girls. |
| Parades in which he would proudly march, | K. P. at which he toiled and sweat, |
| Cheered and applauded by the patriotic crowds. | Cursed and reviled by the army cooks. |
| Honors, won on the battlefields of France, | Tortures endured in the S. O. S. in France, |
| For heroic deeds in action. | From battling sergeants, M. P.’s Looies. |
| Promotion and bars for following duty’s call. | Demotion and the brig for duty dodging. |
| And medals pinned upon his manly chest for valor. | Cooties biting and tickling his manly chest. |
| His triumphant return home, a hero. | His return home, a doughboy who didn’t get to the front, |
| Worshipped by the town folks. | Greeted warmly, nevertheless, by the town folks. |
| His old job back with increased pay, | His old job held down by a slacker; |
| The girl he left behind him for his wife, | The girl he left behind him, the slacker’s wife, |
| Installed in a cute little cottage, built for two. | Installed in a cute little cottage with a pair of twins. |
| —H. A. Perrill. |
Mary had a little ruffle,
I discovered it by chance;
Just a dainty little ruffle
On the bottom of her underskirt.
Sayings of the Famous
Billyus Plutocrat—“Rave on, Red Raven, you shall not split tonight.”