Dear Billy—As you were in the United States army during the recent war, I wish you would inform me as to the principal ailments the boys got from abroad.—Prophylactic Pete.
I am unable to answer your question, Peter, but have referred it to Private Iodine Ike of the Cotton Batting corps.
Dear Captain Billy—I am lame, halt, nearly blind and 85 years old. What job do you think I should work at?—R. J.
Would suggest you apply for the position of gardener in a young woman’s seminary.
Dear Cap.—I’ve just composed a song for my 1920-21 “Record Breakers” show, entitled “The Stockyards Rag.” I’m enclosing a copy to get your opinion of it.—Jack Read, the “Information Kid.”
Dear Jack: The words of your song are all right, but I don’t like the “air.” It doesn’t smell just right.
Dear Captain Billy—What is your opinion of regulated public dance halls and do you believe there is a cure for the alleged dance evil?—Ichabod Iliad.