Permit me for a moment to regale you with a few old stories gleaned from the English:
Story No. 1.—A teacher asked one of the class to tell her what the British flag stood for. “Truth, honor and justice,” replied the child. “Right,” said the teacher. “Now Willie, can you tell me what the French flag stands for?” “Liberty, fraternity and equality,” piped Willie. “Good,” commented the teacher. “Reggie, you tell me what the American flag stands for.” “I don’t know what it stands for now,” replied the knowing youth, “but it stood for a devil of a lot during the first two years of the war.”
Story No. 2.—One of the first American soldiers arriving in England went into a public house and ordered a glass of beer. He was not used to the non-sparkling English beer and casually remarked to the barmaid: “Isn’t this beer a little stale.” “No wonder it’s stale,” rejoined the lady, “it has been waiting for you three years.”
Story No. 3.—“Why are American Tommies called ‘Doughboys’,” asked a kind lady of an English soldier. “Well,” theorized the English soldier, “I suppose it is because they were kneaded in 1914 and did not rise until 1917.”
Story No. 4.—A prize was offered at a children’s entertainment for the lad who could tell the biggest lie. “I went up in an aeroplane so high that I could hear the angels sing,” said the first child. “I went down in a submarine so far that the water was boiling,” said the second. “The Americans won the war,” said the third, and carried off the prize.
Story No. 5.—An American soldier met a British soldier in New York. “What mob did you go over with?” asked the Britisher. “The Rainbow Division,” responded the American. “Never heard of it,” laconically remarked the Britisher. “What,” ejaculated the American; “never heard of the Rainbow Division, the famous Rainbow Division.” “Ah, let me think,” pondered the other; “let me think; ah, yes, bah jove, that’s the one that came out after the storm was all over.”
The Englishmen admit their insulting stories about the Americans, but defend the practice by declaring the stories to be of a friendly character. On the other hand they declare the American insults to be bitter. Our “friendly insults” appear to be “a horse of another color.” What chance is there for permanent peace?
The Soapy Wiggle Shimmy
There are ways and other ways, but——