Dear Cap—How come that your hired man, Gus, is a born musician?—Simon Konshush.
Because he has drums in his ears.
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Dear Capt. Billy—How can I impress upon my sweetheart that I am really in love with her?—Jim Crowe.
While talking to her, heave your chest up and down like the men in the movies.
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Dear Capt. Billy—Lately I have been keeping company with a delightful girl. Unfortunately, however, she is inclined to wear her skirts too short. Could you advise me how I can get her to lengthen them without offending her?—I. Hoofit.
Hoofit, old dear, you should learn to be diplomatic. The best way to accomplish the result is to say something like this, “Sweetheart, your eyes are simply dazzling, but no one will ever notice them, unless you lengthen your skirts.”
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