Turpentine.

* * *

Dear Captain Billy—What is a “soubrette?”—Ivegon Buggs.

A singer that gets $50 a week and sends $100 home to mother.

* * *

Dear Captain Bill—How long does the three-foot kiss in the movies last?—Oscar Latory.

Long enough to warp the hands on an asbestos alarm clock.

* * *

Dear Skipper—If you were a cowpuncher alone in a big city and without a pony, saddle, or lariat, and desired to corral a calf, what would you do?—Scare D. Catt.

“Getting Gertie’s Garter” is one of the biggest hits of the season.