An undoubted alibi was some time ago successfully proved in an American court as follows:
‘And you say that you are innocent of the charge of stealing this rooster from Mr Jones?’ queried the judge.
‘Yes, sir, I am innocent—as innocent as a child.’
‘You are confident you did not steal the rooster from Mr Jones?’
‘Yes, sir; and I can prove it.’
‘How can you prove it?’
‘I can prove that I didn’t steal Mr Jones’ rooster, judge, because I stole two hens from Mr Graston same night, and Jones lives five miles from Graston’s.’
‘The proof is conclusive,’ said the judge; ‘discharge the prisoner.’
It is said that the other day a client received the following bill from his lawyer: ‘Attending and asking you how you did, 6s. 8d. Attending you on the pier, when you desired me to look through a piece of smoked glass, 6s. 8d. Looking through the same, 6s. 8d. Rubbing my eye, which watered, 13s. 4d. Attending at luncheon, when you praised the sandwiches and asked me to partake thereof, 6s. 8d. Consulting and asking my opinion thereon, when I said they were very good, 6s. 8d.’ Most probably the client treated this as a joke; or perhaps it drove him to extremities.
‘Gentlemen of the jury,’ said a counsel in a suit about a herd of hogs, ‘there were just thirty-six hogs in that drove; please to remember that fact—thirty-six hogs; just exactly three times as many as there are in that jury box, gentlemen.’ We are informed that that counsel did not win his case. The jury were not so pig-headed.