Be especially careful to avoid little gaucheries, of which even some well-bred persons are occasionally guilty. Those who are accustomed to live alone are particularly apt to fall into odd ways, because they have not, as a rule, anybody to please or consult except themselves. I have seen a man of title and position, who, through living an isolated life, had many strange oddities: ignoring the use of the butter-knife and using his own—touching the lips of the cruet-bottle with his finger—turning over the contents of the biscuit-box—helping himself to sugar without the aid of the spoon or tongs. Persons with whom he sat in company called him ‘vulgar,’ whereas he was in reality outré and odd. A learned man, caring nothing for conventionalities, and living wholly alone, he fell into strange habits, and they clung to him, which is abundant proof that we ought, each and all of us, to guard against such.
Carefully steer clear of topics of discourse that you think might by any possibility be distasteful to anybody present; and if your host and hostess, or other members of the household, should chance to disagree in your presence upon any point, whether of great or little importance, do not take any part in the discussion, or side with either combatant. Maintain complete silence—or, if you can adroitly change the subject, or turn the conversation into another channel, so much the better; but this sort of thing requires so large an amount of tact and address, that if not done nicely, it had better be left alone.
Endeavour at all times to be obliging in the household. Offer your services upon all necessary occasions, but do not force them or appear officious; it is bad taste, and is certain to worry your hostess. If an entertainment is to take place in the house, keep out of the way as much as possible during the preparations for it, unless you can be of some substantial use; and while the festivity is in progress, do all you can to oblige the entertainer and contribute to the enjoyment of the guests. If you can sing, dance, or recite, do all (if asked) without making a fuss about it. At the same time do not fall into the opposite extreme of giving the company too substantial proof of your prowess in the vocal or histrionic art. Some persons are a perfect nuisance in this respect; once they sit down to the piano, they cannot be induced to leave it, and keep on singing song after song, to the exclusion of others and the weariness of the assembled guests. Assist your hostess in effecting introductions, and, if necessary, in ascertaining that each person has visited the supper-room and that nobody has been overlooked. In short—feeling yourself for the time a member of the household—perform all such duties as would, were you in reality so, fall to your share.
Never give unnecessary trouble to servants. Avoid, as far as possible, slopping water over your washstand, drenching the floor when you take your bath, emptying the entire contents of the water-jug into the basin every time you wash your hands throughout the day; throwing your soiled linen carelessly about the room; leaving your wearing apparel scattered promiscuously over the bed and the backs of the chairs; calling for hot water when cold would serve you quite as well, or better; soiling three or four pairs of boots and shoes in the day; leaving damp umbrellas upon the hall-table instead of in the stand; and going in and out of the house an unlimited number of times for idle pastime, when once or twice would serve your purpose quite as well.
Be careful never to outstay your welcome. You can form a very good idea, from the nature and wording of your invitation, how long you are meant to remain, even though the time may not have been exactly specified; but if there is any doubt about the matter, do not take advantage of it by staying too long, or extend your visit to any unusual length unless decidedly pressed to do so. It is far better to go away leaving a wish for your return, than that there should be the very smallest feeling of an opposite nature in the minds of your entertainers.
Be particularly cautious during your visit never to allow yourself to appear in the way. Should your host or hostess be called upon to receive a long absent or favoured friend, or one who is a rare visitor, retire quietly for a while, as there may be things to talk about that your presence would forbid, or at all events hamper; but be sure that you withdraw gracefully and without fuss, having a fair pretext on your lips, if asked your reason for doing so, as—although a well-bred hostess will never under any circumstances allow it to appear that any member of her household is de trop—a ladylike or gentlemanlike guest will never permit the possibility of her feeling that such is in reality the case.
When Sunday comes round, attend worship with your entertainers, who will probably be pleased by your doing so, rather than that you should go wandering off to some distant church alone; and endeavour throughout the day to adapt your ways and doings to those of your host and hostess. If you do not like or approve their mode of passing the Sabbath-day, you can take your leave before the next comes round; but it is the worst possible taste for a visitor to isolate himself in his own apartment, because the household of which he is pro tem. a member sees no harm in certain things which stricter persons may; while, on the other hand, it is equally objectionable to appear to ignore the Sabbath, where those about you have been educated in a more rigid school.
Finally, be kind and courteous to all, but never servile, nor yet haughty, for the one is quite as bad as the other, and both are hateful in the extreme. If, when you are departing, your host, or hostess, invites you to come again, you may feel justly satisfied that you have succeeded in making that most enviable thing—a good impression.
WHAT CAREER FOR TOM?
Ay, what was to be done with him? He had just completed his fifteenth year, was famous at cricket and football, rode his bicycle up and down the steepest gradients, was a fearless swimmer, and indeed the athletic paragon of his schoolmates. But he began to tire of his lessons, and to utter dark confidences to his sisters that ‘Latin would be no use to a fellow when he grew up;’ that ‘he felt like a loafer as he went along the lanes to the grammar-school;’ that ‘Sam Jackson and Harry Wilde were going to business at Easter; and that if papa did not find him something to do, he should perhaps run away to sea.’