One snowy, bitterly cold day in the winter of 1847-48, I found myself the occupant of the Bank Guard in Dublin, and in the proud position of commandant. The semi-darkness of the afternoon was fast verging on night, and I nodded, half asleep, over the huge fire which blazed on the hearth, when the door opened, and admitted, with a cold swirl of frosty air, the handsome, jolly face of a brother sub. and particular friend of mine, named Harry P——. The old room looked instantly bright and cheerful, and he sat until well after dark, smoking and chatting pleasantly. At length he rose to go, and told me that he was going to dine with his brother at Richmond Barracks; and that after mess, he, his brother, and another officer of his brother’s regiment, were about to visit the theatre, where some popular performer was starring it. ‘And I tell you what it is, old fellow,’ he added, ‘we’ll all come here afterwards; and you have some oysters in, and give us a supper.’
It was in vain that I reminded him of the order that no one was to be admitted to the Bank Guard after tattoo except on duty. He laughed at my scruples; and at last, on his hinting that want of hospitality was at the bottom of my strict observance of standing orders, I was weak enough to give in; and the tempter descending the stairs, stopped to say, by way of encouragement: ‘You know we shan’t be with you before twelve o’clock; and by that time, the Grand rounds will have turned you out, and will be snug in bed in the upper castle.’ So saying, without giving me time to recall my inconsiderate promise, he was off, and I had nothing left me but to call my servant; and between us, we managed to arrange, if not an elegant, at least a comfortable little supper, which was brought in from a neighbouring hotel. Fresh lights were placed upon the now well-furnished table, more coals added to the already roaring fire, beside which simmered a kettle of boiling water, ready to mix with what in the Irish capital is known as ‘the materials;’ and towards the ‘sma’ hours ayont the twal,’ I sat waiting the arrival of my expected guests, as well as the field-officer of the day, who, to my great discomfort and uneasiness, had not up to this hour put in an appearance.
I hadn’t long to wait after midnight had struck for Harry P—— and his companions, who didn’t sympathise with me much concerning the non-arrival of the field-officer, Harry only remarking: ‘Oh, he’ll only just look at the guard, and be off to roost with as little delay as he can. The snow is falling fast, and no one with any brains will stay out in it longer than he can help.’
So, ‘laying this flattering unction to our souls,’ we proceeded, without further ceremony, to pay attention to the good things provided for the comfort of the body, and had already got through a fair lot of the bivalves, when suddenly the loud challenge of the sentry at the door below rang through the vaulted corridor: ‘Who comes there?’ The reply from outside was: ‘Rounds;’ then: ‘What rounds?’ Answer: ‘Grand rounds,’ followed by the sentry’s: ‘Stand, Grand rounds; Guard, turn out.’
This called me to take my part in the ceremony; and my visitors, still looking on the affair as a prime joke, proceeded to ensconce themselves in the closet containing the officer’s bedding, which, on account of the expected advent of company, had not as yet been disinterred. As he closed the door, I heard Harry P—— remark, by way of apology to the others: ‘You know, his Satanic Majesty may prompt him to come up-stairs, and so we had better not show till he goes.’
I now dashed down below, and after the accustomed interchange of question and answer at the barred window in the door, ordered his admission, and proceeded to the guard, which was turned out in the men’s guardroom, to duly ‘present arms’ to the Grand rounds. (I may here remark, that to the sentry’s shout of ‘Guard, turn out’ in the Bank Guard, the response was decidedly Irish, for the guard didn’t turn out at all, in the literal sense of the word, at night, but ‘fell in’ on the stone flags of their guardroom.)
The field-officer on this occasion was a Major F——, of a Highland regiment, a jolly, pleasant-looking little man, who evidently enjoyed to the full the good things of this life; and after acknowledging the salute and receiving the report of ‘All correct, sir,’ he desired me to dismiss the guard, and as we left the room, said: ‘I was looking at the bright light in your guardroom window as I came up, and envied you the roaring fire you must have inside, and I daresay a good glass of something hot also. If you don’t mind, I’ll come up and thaw a bit, for it’s snowing hard, and most bitterly cold outside.’
What could I say, but—heaven forgive me—express the pleasure it would give me to do the hospitable; and so, with troubled heart, I bounded up the stairs ostensibly to fetch a candle to light the major up, but really to clear the room of the prisoners, had they left the closet, or, at all events, to warn them of approaching danger if they had not. In either case, I was, however, foiled, as the Grand rounds, though a portly-looking little man, and not active to all appearance, still had the use of his legs, well tried, no doubt, on many a good Highland moor and mountain; and in spite of my knowledge of the staircase, he was in the guardroom close at my heels. It was, however, to all appearance entirely without any occupants save ourselves, and only the remains of the supper looked suspicious. This at once attracted the major; and to his remark that I appeared to have had a party here, I replied loudly, in order to give notice to the prisoners, that some of our fellows had dropped in during the afternoon and had some lunch; that I had had my dinner after they had left, and that my servant had not yet removed the débris; that I dared say there were some oysters still left, and would the major let me get him a few, &c.? which caused the little man’s eyes to twinkle as he toasted himself by the ample fire; and unbuckling his sword, he seated himself in a chair at the table, and fell to without more ceremony, remarking: ‘You are very kind. What Sybarites you —th fellows are! I’ll just take an oyster or two, and qualify with a glass of hot toddy, to keep out the cold of this bitter night.’
After doing ample justice to the supper, he proceeded to undo a couple of the bottom buttons of his doublet, and, with a sigh of satisfaction, drew his chair closer to the fire, and lighting a cigar, settled himself comfortably for a chat. I, too, lighted a pipe, and with an affectation of enjoyment I was far from feeling, I sat opposite to him, and listened to what I have no doubt were very amusing anecdotes, but which fell unheeded upon ears strained to catch a sneeze or cough or other ill-timed sound from the closet. All, however, was quite still there; and after what seemed to me a century of anxious suspense, the Grand rounds finished his glass, and with profuse thanks for my hospitality, rebuckled himself into his sword-belt and took his departure.
It couldn’t have been much more than an hour since he came up-stairs, and yet to me it seemed ages until the outer door again closed on him and I heard his muffled footsteps retreating over the soft snow. But if the time appeared long to me, what must it not have been to the prisoners caged in the stuffy closet! I found them peeping inquiringly out from their prison; and when the ‘Coast clear’ was announced, such a peal of laughter resounded through the old walls as made them ring again; and there being no fear of further disturbance, we straightway drank health and safe home to the jolly old Grand rounds; and seating ourselves at the table with appetites sharpened by the perils we had passed, we did ample justice to the remainder of the supper, and proved that ‘all’s well that ends well’ in a most satisfactory manner. Far into the night, or rather well into the morning, was it before we parted; and as Harry shook my hand at the stair-foot, he said: ‘Good-night, good-night, or rather morning. We are all much obliged for the night’s amusement; but between you and me, old man, I don’t think that I, for one, will ever again join a supper party in the Bank Guard.’ To which I replied: ‘No; nor will you ever catch me again giving one.’