ELWES THE MISER.
The eldest son of Elwes, the celebrated miser, having fallen down with a ladder, when pulling some grapes, had the precaution to go into the village to the barber and get blooded. On his return he was asked where he had been, and what was the matter with his arm? He told his father what had happened, and that he had got bled. “Bled!” said the old gentleman; “but what did you give?” “A shilling,” answered the boy. “Psha!” returned the father, “you are a blockhead; never part with your blood.”
Elwes had two country seats, the one in Suffolk, and the other in Berkshire; of these he gave the preference to the former, because his journey from town thither cost him only twopence-halfpenny; that into Berkshire amounted to fourpence. At this time he was worth eight hundred thousand pounds.
CAUSE AND EFFECT.
Two gentleman happening to meet, the one observed, “So our friend ——, the attorney, is dead.” “Yes, and I hear he left very few effects.” “It could not be otherwise: he had very few causes.”
NOT A BAD HIT.
A gentleman expatiated on the justice and propriety of an hereditary nobility. “Is it not right,” said he, “in order to hand down to posterity the virtues of those men who have been eminent for their services to the country, that their posterity should enjoy the honours conferred on them as a reward for such services?” “By the same rule,” said a lady, “if a man is hanged for his misdeeds, all his posterity should be hanged too.”
CUTTING BOTH WAYS.
Sarah, Duchess of Marlborough, once pressing the duke to take a medicine, with her usual warmth said, “I’ll be hanged if it do not prove serviceable.” Dr. Garth, who was present, exclaimed, “Do take it, then, my lord duke, for it must be of service the one way or the other.”
DUKE OF NEWCASTLE.