A LONG-EARED ANIMAL versus A SHORT.
A cockney having had his horse cropt, was asked the reason; he answered, “Why, my friend, this here horse had a knack at being frightened, and on the least occasion would prick up his ears, and look for all the world as if he had seen the devil; and therefore, to prevent the like in future, I cropt him.”
ECCENTRIC RECOMMENDATION.
Swift once gave a gentleman of very good character and fortune a letter of recommendation to Pope, couched in the following terms:—“Dear Pope, Though the little fellow that brings this be a justice of peace and a member of our Irish House of Commons, yet he may not be altogether unworthy of your acquaintance.”
HOLIDAY.
A gentleman seeing the town-crier of Bristol one market-day standing unemployed, asked him the reason. “O,” replied he, “I can’t cry to-day, my wife is dead.”
ECONOMY.
An economical peeress spoke to her butler to be saving of an excellent run of small-beer, and asked him how it might be best preserved. “The best method I know,” replied the butler, “is to place a barrel of good ale by it.”
THE BLOOD OF CROMWELL.
A grand-daughter of Oliver Cromwell, who was remarkable for her vivacity and humour, being in company at Tunbridge Wells, a gentleman, who had taken great offence at some sarcastic remarks she had made, rudely said, to insult her, “I think, madam, you would hardly give yourself so many airs, had you recollected that your grandfather was hanged.” To which she instantly replied, “Yes, sir; but please to recollect, he was not hanged till after he was dead.”