INVISIBLE AND INCOMPREHENSIBLE.
A preacher, whose sermons were beyond human understanding, was wont on Saturday to keep unseen by any one, in order to compose his sublime discourses for next day; on which a wit observed, that the doctor was invisible on Saturday in order that he might be incomprehensible on Sunday.
ERSKINE AND JEKYLL.
Mr. Erskine one morning complained to Mr. Jekyll of a pain in his bowels. “I could recommend one remedy,” said the latter; “but I am afraid you will not find it easy to get at it.” “What is it?” eagerly rejoined Mr. Erskine. “Get made Attorney-General, and then you will have no bowels at all.”
GOOD REASON.
A certain secretary of state, being asked by an intimate friend, why he did not promote merit, aptly replied, “Because merit did not promote me.”
FOOTE.
Foote, having been invited to dine with the Duke of Leinster, at Dublin, gave the following account of his entertainment:—“As to the splendour, so far as it went, I admit it, there was a very fine sideboard of plate; and if a man could have swallowed a silversmith’s shop, there was enough to satisfy him; but as to all the rest, his mutton was white, his veal was red, the fish was kept too long, the venison not kept long enough: to sum up all, every thing was cold, except his ice; every thing sour, except his vinegar.”
PATIENCE.
A quaker, driving in a single-horse chaise up a green lane that leads from Newington Green to Hornsey, happened to meet with a young blood, who was also in a single-horse chaise. There was not room enough for them to pass each other, unless one of them would back his carriage, which they both refused. “I’ll not make way for you,” says the blood; “damn my eyes if I will.” “I think I am older than thou art,” said the quaker, “and therefore have a right to expect thee to make way for me.” “I won’t, dam’me,” resumed the first. He then pulled out a newspaper, and began to read, as he sat still in his chaise. The quaker, observing him, pulled a pipe and some tobacco from his pocket, and, with a convenience which he carried about with him, lighted his pipe, and sat and puffed away very comfortably. “Friend,” said he, “when thou hast read that paper, I should be glad if thou wouldst lend it me.”