THE FISHMONGER.
A gentleman cheapening fish at a stall, and being asked what he thought an unconscionable price, exclaimed—“Do you suppose I pick up my money in the street!” “No, sir,” replied the vender, “but I do.”
THE BLESSINGS OF TRIAL BY JURY.
A juryman, not so pliant as many, was repeatedly singular in his opinion, but so determined as always to bring over the other eleven. The judge asked him once how he came to be so fastidious? “My lord,” said he, “no man is more open to conviction than I am; but I have not met the same pliancy in others; for it has generally been my lot to be on a jury with eleven obstinate men.”
LORD SHAFTESBURY.
The history of this nobleman, in the Biographia Britannica, is a mere panegyric on him. A bon mot of himself conveys the truest idea of his character. Charles the Second said to him one day, “Shaftesbury, I believe thou art the wickedest fellow in my dominions.” He bowed, and replied, “Of a subject, sir, I believe I am.”
THE BREWER.
A brewer was drowned in his own vat. Mr. Jekyll, being informed of the circumstance, said that the verdict of the jury should be—“Found floating on his watery bier!”
JACK TAR AND THE PARSON.
An honest tar, just returned from sea, met his old messmate, Bet Blowsy: he was so overjoyed that he determined to commit matrimony; but, at the altar, the parson demurred, as there was not cash enough between them to pay the fees; on which Jack, thrusting a few shillings into the sleeve of his cassock, exclaimed—“D—n it, brother, never mind! marry us as far as it will go!”