A hasty passionate fellow was supping with a friend who never contradicted him, not wishing to provoke his wrath. Unable to endure this acquiescence, he at last burst out, “Zounds, deny something, that I may know there are two of us.”
TRANSPOSITION OF SYLLABLES.
One of our most celebrated poets, occasionally a little absent of mind, was invited by a friend whom he met in the street, to dine with him next Tuesday at a country lodging he had taken for the summer months. The address was, “Near the Green Man at Dulwich,” which, not to put his inviter to the trouble of pencilling down, our bard promised faithfully to remember. But when Tuesday came, he, fully late enough, made his way to Greenwich, and began inquiring for the sign of the Dull Man! No such sign was to be found; and, after losing an hour, a person guessed that though there was no Dull Man at Greenwich, there was a Green Man at Dulwich, which the gentleman might possibly mean! This remark connected the broken chain, and our poet took his chop by himself.
QUIN.
Quin used to complain much of the system of giving vails to servants, which, to a man of his uncertain resources, was a very severe tax. Having been invited to the house of a gentleman who had the reputation of giving good dinners, he found himself entertained in a style much below his expectations; wherefore, on leaving the house, and finding the servants all as usual ranked up in the hall, he inquired for the cook and the butler. These officials speedily presented themselves, when he said to the first, “There’s half-a-crown for my eating,” and to the other, “There’s five shillings for my drinking; but really, gentlemen, I never made so bad a dinner at the money in my life before.”
A gentleman at whose house Quin had often experienced the same annoyance, one day gave him a pressing invitation; but Quin would not promise to come unless the servants were taught to expect no vails. He paid dearly for this limitation; for, on going to pay his visit, he had a dirty plate given him for a clean one, bread for beer, and frequently neither one nor other, after repeated applications. When dinner was finished, he addressed himself to the company, pushing round a plate with a half crown on it; “Gentlemen,” said he, “I think we had better pay for our dinner now, before we begin upon the wine; for I have a notion they imagine we intend to bilk them to-day.”
JAMES II.
James II. having appointed a nobleman to be lord-treasurer when the exchequer was in a very exhausted state, he complained to the king of the irksomeness of the office, as the treasury was so empty. “Be of good cheer, my lord,” replied his majesty, “for you will now see the bottom of your business at once.”
REPROOF.
A certain clergyman, who was more busied in the pleasures of the chase than in superintending the souls of his flock, one day, meeting with little sport, proposed to entertain his companions at the expense of an inoffensive quaker, whom he had very often ridiculed, and who was then approaching them. He rode up to him briskly, saying, “Obadiah, have you seen the hare?” “Why, hast thou lost him, neighbour?” said the quaker. “Lost him! yes, indeed.” “Then,” replied he, “if I were the hare I would run where I am sure thou could’st never find me.” “Where the devil is that?” asked the blustering son of Nimrod. “Why, neighbour,” answered the other, “I would run into thy study!”