GENEROSITY.
An old farmer, on paying his rent, told his landlord he wanted some timber to build a house, and would be much obliged to him if he would give him permission to cut down what would answer the purpose. The landlord answered peremptorily, “No.” “Why, then, sir, will you give me enough to build a barn?” “No.” “To make a gate then?” “Yes.” “That is all I wanted,” said the farmer, “and more than I expected.”
SCEPTICISM.
A person speaking of the tenacity of life in turtles, asserted that he had seen one which had its head cut off, open its jaws six weeks afterwards. The company seeming rather sceptical, he said, “I saw it, and I trust none of you will doubt my word.” Then turning to one gentleman he asked what he thought. The other asked him—“Sir, if you had not seen the circumstance yourself, could you have believed it?” “Indeed,” said he, “I could not.” “Then I hope you will excuse me if I do not believe it.”
KEEPING THE COMMANDMENTS.
A gentleman shewing his friend a collection of curious pictures in his gallery, on the other praising them all very much, he gave him a choice of any one of them as a present. The stranger fixed on a tablet in which the ten commandments were written in letters of gold. “You must excuse me there,” replied the gentleman, “those I am bound to keep.”
HALF A KINDNESS.
A Catholic priest, a pious and yet a facetious man, was requested by a lady for permission to wear rouge. The lady’s character was half coquettish and half devotee. “I can give you permission, madam,” replied the bishop, “only for one cheek.”
PAINTING AND WHITEWASHING.
A wretched artist, who thought himself an excellent painter, was talking pompously about decorating the ceiling of his saloon—“I am whitewashing it, and in a short time I shall begin painting.” “I think you had better,” replied one of his audience, “paint it first, and then whitewash it.”