To alter them I’ll try;
But if they cover all the calf,
They must be five feet high.
PLAGIARISM.
A celebrated divine, who had prided himself upon his originality, and who would reject his best thought if he imagined it was traceable to any previous author, was startled one day by a friend coolly telling him that every word of his favourite discourse was stolen from a book he had at home. The astonished writer, staggered by his friend’s earnestness, begged for a sight of this volume. He was, however, released from his misery by the other smilingly announcing the work in question to be “Johnson’s Dictionary,” where, continued his tormentor, “I undertake to find every word of your discourse.”
HE PREFERRED RAIN.
After listening to Bushfield Ferrand’s fervid appeal at New Malton, a shrewd Yorkshire farmer was asked what he thought of the speech? His reply was, simply, “Why, I don’t know, but I think six hours’ rain would ha’ done us a deal more good!”
THE RAKE’S PROGRESS.
A captain of a vessel loading coal, went into a merchant’s counting-house, and requested the loan of a rake. The merchant, looking towards his clerks, replied—“I have a number of them, but none, I believe, wish to be hauled over the coals.”