An Italian singer, at the Opera House, who had but lately arrived in this country, and not speaking English, was so anxious to acquire it, that he always had in his pocket an Italian and English dictionary; and being in general accompanied by a friend who spoke a little better than himself, he determined to practise nothing else. On his first visit to an Orange coffee-house, he placed himself before the fire and called “Vater, vater,” but to no purpose. His friend whispered to him—“He’s no vater at all—he’s vaiter.” “Oh den, vaiter, vaiter.” “What do you want, gentlemen?” “Medin, medin.” “I do not understand,” said the waiter. His friend again whispered—“He’s no medin, he’s dinne me.” “An! dinne me,” repeats the other. “Oh, dinner,” says the waiter; “what would you like to have?” “One large porkshop.” “The devil you will,” said the waiter: “what, a whole porkshop?” His friend whispers—“He no porkshop—he’s one pork chops.” “Oh, pork chops, very well.” The dinner was brought, and after he had dined, he called “Vaiter, vaiter!” “Well sir?” “Mettez moi six or seven turnpikes.” “Seven turnpikes? that’s impossible, sir.” His friend whispers again—“He’s no turnpikes—he’s tiddlepicks.” “Ah! tiddlepicks.” “I do not understand yet, sir.” “No! Got d——n! it is to take it away the meat out ma tooth.”
A RIDICULOUS MISTAKE.
A woman once asked another, “Pray, had your mother any children?” Seeing the other laugh, and quickly recollecting herself, “Lord bless me,” says she, “what a ridiculous mistake I made! it was your grandmother I meant.”
CUT DOWN AND CUT UP.
A man just hung, and an author just about publishing a book, are nearly in the same predicament—both are in suspense. But we may observe this striking difference between them, namely—the former will certainly be cut down, while the latter will most probably be cut up.
A COURTIER.
One of our scarlet courtiers, lighting from his great prancing horse at the court gate, called to one that stood by, and bid him hold his horse whilst he walked into the court. The man seemed afraid of the beast, and asked him if he was not unruly, and whether one man might hold him or no; he answered yes very easily. “Nay, then,” said he, “If it be but one man’s work I would wish you to do it yourself, for I have other business than to walk horses.”
PICTURES HANGED.
A fantastic gentleman having bespoke divers pictures to furnish a gallery: when the limner brought them home, he would presently dispose them in their several places. “Here,” said he, “hang this, here that, and there that; but at this end, in full view of the door, will I be hanged myself.”
A GENTLEMAN AND HIS MISTRESS.