TRUMPINGTON.
An ignorant preacher, the vicar of Trumpington, near Ely, having occasion to read that passage in Scripture,—“Eloi, Eloi, Lama sabbacthani,” and considering with himself that it might be ridiculous and absurd in him to read it as it stood, since he was vicar of Trumpington, and not of Ely, actually bawled out, “Trumpington, Trumpington, Lama sabbacthani.”
BRILLIANT MAIDEN SPEECH.
A young but ambitious M.P. of the last age, having long resolved upon attempting some speech which should astonish the House, at last rose solemnly up, and, after three loud hems, spoke as follows:—“Mr. Speaker, have we laws, or have we not laws? If we have laws, they are not observed, to what end were those laws made?” So saying, he sat down, his chest heaving high with conscious consequence; when another rose up, and delivered his thoughts in these words:—“Mr. Speaker, did the honourable gentleman who spoke last, speak to the purpose, or not to the purpose? If he did not speak to the purpose, to what purpose did he speak?” It is needless to describe the roar of laughter with which the House was instantly shaken, or to say that the orator never spoke again in that place.
A TRUE KNOWLEDGE OF PUFFING.
Some years ago, a gentleman at Windsor took the place of the organist, with a view to shew his superiority in execution. Among other pieces, he was playing one of Dr. Blow’s anthems; but, just as he had finished the verse part, and begun the full chorus, the organ ceased. On this, he called to Dick, the bellows-blower, to know what was the matter. “The matter?” says Dick; “I have played the anthem below.” “Ay,” says the other, “but I have not played it above.” “No matter,” quoth Dick, “you might have made more haste, then; I know how many puffs go to one of Dr. Blow’s anthems, as well as you do: I have not played the organ so many years for nothing.”
DR. BUTLER.
Dr. Butler was a man of peculiar manners. Being sent for to a lady’s house, the lady desired a servant to ask what he would have for supper. “A roasted horse,” said the doctor. The man stared, and vanished; but, turning upon the stairs, soon re-appeared, and said to the reverend divine, “Sir, will you please to have a pudding in his belly?” Butler, laughing, said, “Thou hast a pudding of wit in thy head, and I like thee well. But why ask me what I choose for supper? I came here to give advice and not to eat. I shall eat as the rest.”
WEST INDIAN BEES.
A travelled man was descanting one day upon what he had seen in his peregrinations. He was particularly impressive on the largeness to which common reptiles and insects grew in tropical climates. “In the West Indies,” said he, “bees are about the size of our sheep.” “And how large may the bee-hives be?” inquired one of the company. “Oh, about the ordinary size,” said the traveller, without thinking of the exaggerated size he had just ascribed to the tenants of these receptacles. “Then,” said the inquirer, “how do the bees get into the hives?” “Oh,” replied the detected Manchausen, “let the bees look to that!”