A gentleman, who thought his sons consumed too much time in hunting and shooting, gave them the appellation of Nimrod and Ramrod.
THROW PHYSIC TO THE DOGS.
When the celebrated Beau Nash was ill, Dr. Cheyne wrote a prescription for him. The next day, the doctor coming to see his patient, inquired if he had followed his prescription. “No, truly, doctor,” said Nash; “if I had, I should have broken my neck, for I threw it out of a two-pair of stairs window.”
LUDICROUS THREAT.
A very young officer, striking an old grenadier of his company for some supposed fault in performing his evolutions, was unable to reach any higher than his legs. The grenadier, upon this infantine assault, gravely took off his cap, and holding it over the officer by the tip, said, “Sir, if you were not my officer, I would extinguish you.”
SMALL CAPITAL.
Tom Brown having once asked a man how he contrived to live in these hard times? was answered, “Why” Master Brown, “I live, as I believe you do, by my wits.” “Truly,” replied Tom, “you must be a much more able trader than I ever thought you, to carry on business, and live upon so small a capital.”
GOODNESS OF GEORGE I.
The king leaning carelessly out of a window, with the skirts of his coat gaping behind, a stout scullion perceiving the favourable situation, and mistaking his sacred majesty for one of the cooks, advanced on tiptoe, and, with a well extended arm, discharged a heavy blow on the royal buttocks. “Zounds!” cried the king, “what the devil’s the matter now?” The poor woman, thinking herself undone, fell upon her knees, and excused herself by protesting she had mistaken his majesty for Bertrand. “Well,” replied the king, rubbing briskly the aching part, “if it had been Bertrand, where was the necessity of striking so hard?”
PRESSING REASON.