When General Boyd was Governor of Gibraltar, he wrote an order to a Mr. Brown, his agent in London, for provisions for the garrison, but forgot to insert what he wanted for his own private stores, until the letter was sealed up, and the vessel by which it was to be sent on the point of sailing, he therefore wrote on the outside, “Brown, Beef, Boyd.” His agent returned his provision, with an epistle equally laconic, written immediately under the direction, “Boyd, Beef, Brown.”
CONSTITUTIONAL COLD.
“When I have a cold in my head,” said a gentleman in company, “I am always remarkably dull and stupid.” “You are much to be pitied then, sir,” replied another, “for really it is a complaint that troubles you very often.”
HYPERBOLICAL POLITENESS.
The witty and licentious Earl of Rochester meeting with the great Isaac Barrow in the Park, told his companions that he would have some fun with the rusty old pot. Accordingly he went up with great gravity, and, taking off his hat, made the doctor a profound bow, saying, “Doctor, I am yours to my shoe tie.” The doctor, seeing his drift, immediately pulled off his beaver, and returned the bow with, “My lord, I am yours to the ground.” Rochester followed up his salutation by a deeper bow, saying, “Doctor, I am yours to the centre.” Barrow, with a very low obeisance, replied, “My lord, I am yours to the antipodes.” His lordship, nearly gravelled, exclaimed, “Doctor, I am yours to the lowest pit of hell.” “There, my lord,” said Barrow sarcastically, “I leave you,” and walked off.
PATIENCE.
A Fellow of Trinity College, Cambridge, on the eve of his departure from the University, preached at St. Mary’s upon these words, Have patience with me, and I will pay you all; and, owing a great sum of money in the town, enlarged mightily on the first part of the text, Have patience, &c. “Now,” says he, “I should come to the second part, and I will pay you all; but having prest too long on your patience, I must leave that to the next opportunity; so pray have patience with me!”
NO BAD EXCHANGE.
“How are you this morning,” said Fawcett to Cooke. “Not at all myself,” says the tragedian. “Then, I congratulate you,” replied Fawcett; “for be whoever else you will, you will be a gainer by the bargain.”
EXTREME UNCTION.