ONE AT A TIME, GENTLEMEN.
One Sunday evening, when the weather was extremely hot, the windows of a parish church in the diocese of Gloucester were set open to admit more air, while the congregation was assembled for divine service. Just as the clergyman was beginning his weekly discourse (who, by the by, was not much celebrated for his oratorical powers), a jack-ass, which had been grazing in the church-yard, popped his head in at the window, and began braying with all his might, as if in opposition to the reverend preacher. On this a wag present immediately got up from his seat, and with great gravity of countenance exclaimed,—“One at a time, gentlemen, if you please!” The whole congregation set up a loud laugh, when the jack-ass took fright, and gave up the contest, though, from the clergyman’s chagrin and confusion, he would probably not have been the worst orator.
WINE SHARPENS THE WIT.
A gentleman went to see his son at Westminster school, under the great Dr. Busby. When they were in discourse, over a bottle of wine, the doctor sent for the boy. “Come,” says he, “young man, as your father is here, take a glass of wine;” and quoted this Latin sentence,—Paucum vini acuit ingenium (a little wine sharpens the wit.) The lad replied, “Sed plus vini, plus ingenii!” (the more wine, the more wit!) “Hold, young man,” replied the doctor, “though you argue on mathematical principles, you shall have but one glass!”
WEST INDIAN AND NEGRO.
A West Indian, who had a remarkably fiery nose, having fallen asleep in his chair, a negro boy, who was in waiting, observed a mosquito hovering round his face. Quashi eyed the insect very attentively; at last he saw him alight on his master’s nose, and immediately fly off. “Ah,” exclaimed the negro, “me d—n glad see you burn your foot!”
AN OUTLINE.
When the Duke de Choiseul, who was a remarkably meagre-looking man, came to London for the purpose of negotiating a peace, Charles Townshend, being asked whether the French government had sent the preliminaries of a treaty, answered, “He did not know, but they had sent the outline of an ambassador.”
BACON.
A malefactor of the name of Hogg, under sentence of death, petitioned Lord Chancellor Bacon for a reprieve, claiming a relationship. His lordship said, he could not possibly be bacon till he had first been hung.