He said I could do so, for he did not think I would preach anything wrong.
A spirit worked with me to do all the good I could, but not to join any religious denomination. It prevailed within me against all temptation this time. Perhaps the guardian angel, promised by my mother, watched over my spiritual as well as temporal welfare.
I think, at the time of this reformation, I had as much of the Spirit of the Lord with me as I could well enjoy in my ignorance of the gospel in its purity. I was full of the testimony of the truth as I understood it.
This reformation in Hector, was a means of temptation to me. I had preached and labored with my might to lead the people to the truth, and Elder Brown had stepped in and reaped the results of my labors. Because I would not join the Campbellite church and preach for them, I was entirely thrown aside. The adversary would reason with me thus: "What is the use of all your preaching? It does not amount to anything to you. You had better attend to your own business and let such nonsense alone."
I listened to these suggestions until I had grieved the Spirit of the Lord which I had enjoyed. I no longer had the Spirit to pray or to exhort the people to lives of righteousness. I was in this condition for several months.
In all this lethargy and darkness, I knew there was such a thing as joy in the Spirit of God—that in the testimony of Jesus there was light and peace. I knew I had accepted a mission to bear this testimony while I should remain on the earth.
Knowing these things, I became, in time, alarmed at my condition, I feared that the Lord had forsaken me. I humbled myself before Him in fasting and prayer. I promised Him that if He would return His good Spirit, I would never again reject its suggestions.
Matters continued thus with me for several weeks. In one of my seasons of prayer and supplication, I sensibly felt that I was again visited by the Holy Spirit. I was encouraged to resume my labors in exhorting the people whenever an opportunity was presented. I went from home on the Sabbath and held meetings in different places. I was employed in this way when I first saw the Book of Mormon, and when the gospel was preached to me.
This, and other experiences, have convinced me that when we question the Holy Spirit it is likely to be grieved, and leave us to ourselves. Then will our darkness be greater than if we had never enjoyed its influences. Perhaps this incident in my life may suggest wisdom to others.
In November, 1829, I removed to a place called Hector Hill. In February, 1831, my father, my brothers Joseph and Brigham, and Heber C. Kimball came to my house. They brought with them the Book of Mormon. They were on their way to visit some Saints in Pennsylvania. Through fear of being deceived, I was quite cautious in religious matters. I read and compared the Book of Mormon with the Bible, and fasted and prayed that I might come to a knowledge of the truth. The Spirit seemed to say, "This is the way; walk ye in it." This was all the testimony I could get at the time; it was not altogether satisfactory.