I became acquainted with a girl some years older than myself, who was "working out." She earned seventy-five cents a week. I had done nearly all of the kinds of work at home that were expected of her; why, then, could I not obtain as much? I saw no reason why I should not. True, girls of my own age had but fifty cents, but then they never washed or ironed, except coarse clothing, while I could do all, except the finest.
"Where there is a will, there is a way;" so I soon was from home trying my best. I need not tell you how much I was disappointed in some things; but, as yet, I saw no reason why my main object could not be accomplished. I was the more encouraged to hope this, as it was evident the people were satisfied with my endeavors, and said I "was as much help as those who were four or five years older."
I had been there six weeks before anything was said about my pay. The family sewing was done for the winter, and they did not keep help only at times, so I was not needed; and, as a matter of ceremony, I was asked "what I expected a week." I had all along thought they would not hesitate to give me as much as older girls received, inasmuch as they had often said I was as much help. I even thought they would have the delicacy to give me that amount without the ceremony of asking how much I expected. The manner of asking me, however, made me think that perhaps I had over-estimated my services, and I rather hesitatingly said five shillings would do.
How they stared at me! I then found that, for all I had done more than was expected of my age, I had my pay in praise; something I did not value, only as it helped me to forward my main design. Still, fifty cents a week and my board was better than doing nothing at home, so I submitted to what was inevitable. Thus passed the years until I was sixteen. In the interval, I had managed to attend school three months. I helped about house mornings and evenings, and stayed at home Mondays to wash. At some places I was permitted to read or study, if I could get the usual work out of the way; besides, I kept a book or paper by me, and thus picked up and pondered over many thoughts that would have escaped me, if I had had the opportunity of reading as much as I wished; for, during this time, I used to get as hungry for mental food as ever woodcutter did for physical aliment. The kind of reading I had made me earnestly desire to attend school. Philosophical, chemical, or botanical allusions were often made, and I could only half understand what I read, even with the help of the dictionary.
A change of employment offered, which I eagerly accepted, as it brought back my old dreams of the pleasure I should enjoy as a school-teacher. An assistant was required in the village school. I was too eager to get the place to inquire about the remuneration, and I enjoyed myself too well to think about it much; but I took for granted that I should have a dollar a week, and consequently should be able to attend the academy the next winter. I was disappointed when, at the close of the term, I found I was to be allowed only seventy-five cents, or what I was able to get as a "hired girl," though I boarded at father's. I had some time to study, or the disappointment would have been even greater. By working for my board, I found I could attend the district school.
The reputation I acquired as a teacher of the lady I assisted, was the means of my being employed in an adjoining district; but, as much as I desired the situation, and as much as I loved teaching, and wished to do my duty, I always considered that school a failure. Not that any one complained of me, for the pupils improved; but everything became too mechanical, and, while they learned their lessons well, their minds seemed to rest, not expand, and I did not know how to remedy the evil. Still, I loved my school, and set myself to learn why I had failed.
As I studied myself, I was more than ever conscious of my deficiencies in mental cultivation, and of a hungering after mental food. Every chance I had for study I improved. I was too conscious of a want of preparation for teaching to offer myself as a teacher, so I must do what I could.
Just then an incident occurred that roused more pride than I had supposed I possessed. One Sabbath, in the interval between the morning and afternoon service, a lady came to me, and, in a manner intended to be very kind, said—
"Are you going to attend the examination of teachers on Saturday?"
"I have not decided. I am not engaged as a teacher."