As the railroad train was stopping an old lady, not accustomed to traveling, hailed the passing conductor and asked:
“Conductor, what door shall I get out by?”
“Either door, ma’am,” graciously answered the conductor. “The car stops at both ends.”
He Had a Good Excuse
“Good-morning, Mrs. Stubbins,” said the parson; “is your husband at home?”
“’E’s ’ome, sir, but ’e’s abed,” replied Mrs. Stubbins, who had just finished hanging a pair of recently-patched trousers on the clothesline.
“How is it he didn’t come to church on Sunday? You know we must have our hearts in the right place.”
“Lor’, sir,” retorted the faithful wife, “’is ’eart’s all right. It’s ’is trouziz!”
One of Lincoln’s Little Notes
President Lincoln once wrote to General McClellan, when the latter was in command of the army. General McClellan, as is well known, conducted a waiting campaign, being so careful not to make any mistakes that he made very little headway. President Lincoln sent this brief but exceedingly pertinent letter: