“Father, I wish I could be ‘a doorkeeper in the House of the Lord,’ as you said this morning.”
“Indeed,” said the minister-father, with a pleased look across the table at his wife.
“Yes,” said the boy, “for then I wouldn’t have to listen to the sermon.”
Why Mr. Duffy’s Nose was Red
The late Mr. Duffy, of Keene, New Hampshire, says “The Boston Herald,” was well known for his life-long total abstinence from intoxicants, which seemed somewhat at variance with the fact that his nose was very red.
On one occasion, when on business in a liquor saloon in his neighborhood, a drummer came in to sell cigars. To gain the good graces of the bartender he invited all in the place to drink, to which invitation all readily responded save Mr. Duffy.
The drummer went to him, and slapping him on the shoulder, said: “I say, old man, what are you going to have?”
“I thank you, sir-r, but I niver dhrink,” was Duffy’s quiet reply.
“What, you never drink?” said the drummer with a sarcastic laugh. “Now, if you never drink, will you please tell me what makes that nose of yours so red?”
The impertinence of the questioner at once aroused the irascibility of the old gentleman, and he replied: “Sir-r, it is glowing with proid because it is kept out of other people’s business.”