Ah, then suspicion dark and drear spreads forth her chilling blight,
And sick at heart I turn away, as withers in my sight
Bright hopes of future happiness—sweet friendships held most dear.
And I seem to live ’mid shattered wrecks, in strange, unearthly fear;
And I start to hear a kindly word, and my spirit dreads a smile,
Lest the word should be deceitful, or the smile be meant in guile:
And I deem that the wide world contains no friend who loves me well,
And I long to go away from earth to where the faithful dwell.
I would not have them ever glad, those many thoughts of mine—
I would not with unclouded beams life’s sun should ever shine: