"W'ich are the werry identical thing wot I'm agoin' fur to come fur to do. It so happened as how I were in Hong-kong w'en that misfortinate disagreeability atwixt China and Japan come to a head. Pussonally I 'ain't never had no werry high respeck fur a Chinaman, but w'en I l'arned as how my friend Li Hung-Chang were a-offerin' double wages an' double prize-money fur American sailors to ship in the Chinese navy, w'y, sez I to myself, sez I, 'Ef I don't get killed, a Chinaman's money are as good as a Jap's, an' there's twicet as much on 't; an' ef I do get killed, w'y, I reckon as how I won't be no deader under one flag than under t'other.' An' with that I ups an' I ships. An' they orders me to a bloomin' torpedo-boat.
"I won't say as the Hop-lo weren't a werry good boat, though she'd orter been called the Hop-hi, seein' as she were a thirty-knot boat, one o' the best ever built by old Thorneycroft in England. She looked a good deal like this 'ere Cushing wot jes scooted past, 'ceptin' as how she were higher in the bows an' used to get more down by the stern w'en she were goin' fast, w'ich the same it were owin' to that I saved her. As I said afore, it were at the battle o' Yalu wot it happened. I ain't agoin' far to make no circumstigious attempt fur to tell the story o' that battle; 'cos w'y, w'en you're into a battle you don't know nothin' 'bout it. All I knowed was that the torpedo-boats in gineral was a-cruisin' around outside o' the battle-ships, like so many porpoises in the wake o' whales. The Admiral, w'ich the same I could see him without glasses, were a-prancin' around on one leg an' sendin' up signals every minute. Waal, the fight was on putty soon, an' ye couldn't see a thing 'ceptin' smoke. The noise o' them big guns was enough to skeer ye blue, but that are not wot I started out fur to tell ye. We got orders fur to launch a torpedo at one o' the Japanese battle-ships, an' we went an' done it. Wot that there torpedo hit I never rightly knowed—but it didn't hit that battle-ship. But she hit us with one o' her five-inch guns right under the starboard bow an' blowed a bloomin' big hole below our water-line.
"WEI! WEI! WE GO DLOWNEE NOW ALLEE SAMEE STONEE!"
"'Wei! Wei!' yells the Cap'n, a pug-faced Chinaman with one eye. 'We go dlownee now allee samee stonee! Wei! Wei!'
"An' with that the hull crew took to catterwaulin' an' squealin' like a lot o' pigs at feedin'-time.
"'Avast there, ye leather-faced slobs!' sez I to them, sez I. 'Run the bloomin' boat on the beach!'
"'Melican man biggee foolee!' screamed the Cap'n. 'Beachee allee samee twently mile.'
"'Waal, go ahead, anyhow!' sez I to he, sez I, 'an' don't be layin' still here. They'll shoot your bloomin' boat full o' holes an' make a marine sponge out o' her,' sez I, jes like that, him bein' Cap'n with epaulets on, an' me a bosun's mate with nothin' finer 'n a quid o' 'baccy. Werry good. I rings the bell myself an' the engineer starts her ahead full speed. It weren't two minutes afore we was out o' the wust o' the fight, but them there Chinks was still scared blue. Nex' minute they was scared bluer than ever, fur up comes a feller yellin' like a Bowery boy at a four-story fire:
"'We sinkee! Sinkee!'