He visited each of the customers he had lost, and solemnly assured them that his rival only sold warm ice.
A theatrical manager had considerable trouble with his star actor, who was constantly meeting with accidents or falling sick. One day, as the story goes, the star was hurt in a boiler explosion. When the manager heard of it he remarked to his agent, "I am sick of this sort of thing. Advertise him, as usual, and add that we intend bringing out a new piece, in which the great star Mr. D—— will appear in several parts."
Bobby. "I wish the Lord had made the world in two days."
Jack. "Why?"
Bobby. "Then we'd have had three Sundays a week."
AT THE CAT SHOW.
Mrs. S. "What is the name of your cat?"