Napoleon's smooth face was a sure evidence of his dislike for a beard. In some anecdotes of the Russian campaign there is a story told of the great Emperor and a poor but witty barber, who had occasion to shave him.
Napoleon had made a rather lengthy detour from the line of march with a detachment of officers. Arriving at a small village they refreshed themselves with a good meal and baths. Napoleon, wishing to be shaved, the village barber was called in. While the poor fellow strapped his razor and passed it industriously over the great Emperor's chin, he remained silent and seemingly melancholy, although performing his work with amazing rapidity and smoothness. When he had finished, Napoleon complimented him, remarking, "But, man, why do you wear such a melancholy face? You should be happy to have the privilege of shaving an Emperor."
"I am doubly happy, your Majesty."
"Then what is it that troubles you?"
"Alas, your Majesty, when I think of the Kings upon Kings and Emperors that have died without knowing what it was to be shaved by me, I am sad and melancholy."
"What did Washington mean when just, before the battle of Trenton he said, 'Put none but Americans on guard to-night?'" asked an Irishman, who was heatedly defending the valor of the Celtic race in general. "I'll tell you what he meant! He meant, 'Let the Irish sleep; I've work for them to-morrow.'"
Bobby. "Mamma, I want you to crack me open."