"Don't you remember when she was here to dinner night before last she excused herself, and said she must go home early because she went to bed with the chickens!"
Elderly Gentleman. "Well, my son, can you tell me what little boys are good for, anyway?"
Boy. "Yes, sir; they're good to make men out of."
He was a delicate young man in a pink shirt and duck trousers, both of which he wore in a pompous and conceited manner. He was seated in the train dangling his tennis racquet, and busily amusing a number of bright young ladies and gentlemen of his party.
"Ah, how good! Here's the conductor. Watch me astonish him."
"Ticket, sir," said the conductor.
"My dear man," said the young man, "my—er—face is my ticket."
The conductor smiled and looked around at the young man's friends, and then, in a polite and apologetic manner, said, "I beg your pardon, ladies and gentlemen, but my orders are to punch all tickets, and I'm afraid I might destroy this ticket so much that I can't turn it in at the end of the run."