"We crossed a lake in Michigan (3) that belongs to a drum corps; a river of Spain (4) that school-children play on astride a fence; a river of France (5) that ought to be a prison; through a county in Scotland (6) that bald-headed people should go to; and through another county in Illinois (7) that one could use to furnish his house with.
"We saw an island of Greece (8) that would not hold water, and a lake in Minnesota (9) that would not either, but you could play tennis with the latter. Beside a lake in Scotland (10) that is always the latest style, we saw another sign board bearing this:
"'I will not go there. I don't care where it is. If he asks me, I'll say no. He is like a child in regard to wisdom. Why, I never heard of the like! But I'll say no with perfect frankness.'
"Notice—Certain words in this sign form an old adage (11).
"A river in Russia (12) that is always all right was so high we had to be ferried across, and the boatman told us this:
"'A well-known, useful guide am I;
I am both far and near;
I travel fast, slow, up, and down.
To naught do I adhere.
I'm daily sought by rich and poor,
My home's both low and high;
I'm sometimes seen, and yet unseen,
Sometimes in depths I lie' (13).
"Not being an island of Michigan (14) I was not taken in by his tale, and guessed the answer quicker than river in Australia (15) believe I could—with so many wives, and river of Cuba (16) children, not one of whom is an island off the Mexican coast (17). One of my wives indulged in a game of island off the Cuban coast (18). She lost heavily, and when I chided her she was as short as pie crust made with lake in Iowa (19), and she shut me up like a mountain in Utah (20).
"This last happened only yesterday. I tell you, if the road to St. Ives is as bad as that from there, you have no envious journey. My wives have fallen to quarrelling. I see one river of Tennessee (21) another. I must box their ears with the island of Australia (22) of my hand. Good-day, sir."
As I resumed my journey to St. Ives I early found the prediction of the man of seven wives true. Here is a sample of one of the guide-board signs:
"I once was seen in water, but by substituting one verb for another I am now beheld on land." (23).