"At the sign of the Wool-sack, in Newgate Market, is to be seen a strange and wonderful thing, which is an elm board, being touched with a hot iron, doth express itself as if it were a man dying with groans, and trembling, to the great admiration of all the hearers. It hath been presented before the king and his nobles, and hath given great satisfaction. Vivat Rex."

At the top of the bill is the king's arms, and the letters C. R., and in an old hand is written the date 1682. On the same page is an autograph of the original possessor of the volume, "Ex libris Jo. Coniers, Londini, pharmacopol, 1673."

In turning to Malcolm (Anecdotes of the Manners and Customs of London, 4to. 1811, p. 427.), we find the following elucidation of this mysterious exhibition:

"One of the most curious and ingenious amusements ever offered to the publick ear was contrived in the year 1682, when an elm plank was exhibited to the king and the credulous of London, which being touched by a hot iron, invariably produced a sound resembling deep groans. This sensible, and very irritable board, received numbers of noble visitors; and other boards, sympathising with their afflicted brother, demonstrated how much affected they might be by similar means. The publicans in different parts of the city immediately applied ignited metal to all the woodwork of their houses, in hopes of finding sensitive timber; but I do not perceive any were so successful as the landlord of the Bowman Tavern in Drury Lane, who had a mantle tree so extremely prompt and loud in its responses, that the sagacious observers were nearly unanimous in pronouncing it part of the same trunk which had afforded the original plank."

The following paragraph is also given by Malcolm from the Loyal London Mercury, Oct. 4, 1682:

"Some persons being this week drinking at the Queen's Arms Tavern, in St. Martin's-le-Grand, in the kitchen, and having laid the fire-fork in the fire to light their pipes, accidentally fell a discoursing of the groaning-board, and what might be the cause of it. One in the company, having the fork in his hand to light his pipe, would needs make trial of a long dresser that stood there, which, upon the first touch, made a great noise and groaning, more than ever the board that was showed did; and then they touched it three or four times, and found it far beyond the other. They all having seen it, the house is almost filled with spectators day and night, and any company calling for a glass of wine may see it; which, in the judgment of all, is far louder, and makes a longer groan than the other; which to report, unless seen, would seem incredible."

Among the Bagford Ballads in the Museum (three vols., under the press-mark 643. m.) is preserved the following singular broadside upon the subject, which is now reprinted for the first time:

"A NEW SONG, ON THE STRANGE AND WONDERFUL GROANING-BOARD.

"What fate inspir'd thee with groans,

To fill phanatick brains?

What is't thou sadly thus bemoans,

In thy prophetick strains?

"Art thou the ghost of William Pryn,

Or some old politician?

Who, long tormented for his sin,

Laments his sad condition?

"Or must we now believe in thee,

The old cheat transmigration?

And that thou now art come to be

A call to reformation?

"The giddy vulgar to thee run,

Amaz'd with fear and wonder;

Some dare affirm, that hear thee groan,

Thy noise is petty thunder.

"One says and swears, you do foretell

A change in Church and State;

Another says, you like not well

Your master Stephen's fate.[[1]]

"Some say you groan much like a whigg,

Or rather like a ranter;

Some say as loud, and full as big,

As Conventicle Canter.

"Some say you do petition,

And think you represent

The woe and sad condition

Of Old Rump Parliament.

"The wisest say you are a cheat;

Another politician

Says, 'tis a misery as great

And true as Hatfield's vision.[[2]]

"Some say, 'tis a new evidence,

Or witness of the plot;

And can discover many things

Which are the Lord knows what.

"And lest you should the plot disgrace,

For wanting of a name,

Narrative Board henceforth we'll place

In registers of fame.

"London: Printed for T. P. in the year 1682."

The extraordinary and long-lived popularity of the "groaning-board" is fully evinced by the number of cotemporary allusions: a few will suffice.

Mrs. Mary Astell, in her Essay in Defence of the Female Sex, 1696, speaking of the character of a "coffee-house politician," observes: