A Sweet thing in bonnets: A honey bee.
It will get so in Illinois, by and by, that the marriage ceremony will run thus: "Until death—or divorce—do us part."
He had been ridiculing her big feet, and to get even with him she replied that he might have her old sealskin sacque made over into a pair of ear-muffs.
A Toronto man waited until he was 85 years old before he got married. He waited until he was sure that if he didn't like it he wouldn't have long to repent.
How a woman always does up a newspaper she sends to a friend, so that it looks like a well stuffed pillow, is something that no man is woman enough to understand.
"Yes, my dear," said Mrs. Ramsbothom, speaking of her invalid uncle, "the poor old gentleman has had a stroke of parenthesis, and when I last saw him he was in a state of comma."
"Uncle, when sis sings in the choir Sunday nights, why does she go behind the organ and taste the tenor's mustache?" "Oh, don't bother me, sonny; I suppose they have to do it to find out if they are in tune."
A couple of Vassar girls were found by a professor fencing with broomsticks in a gymnasium. He reminded the young girls that such an accomplishment would not aid them in securing husbands. "It will help us keep them in," replied one of the girls.
A clergyman's daughter, looking over the MSS. left by her father in his study, chanced upon the following sentence: "I love to look upon a young man. There is a hidden potency concealed within his breast which charms and pains me." She sat down, and blushingly added: "Them's my sentiments exactly, papa—all but the pains."
"My dear," said a sensible Dutchman to his wife, who for the last hour had been shaking her baby up and down on her knee: "I don't think so much butter is good for the child." "Butter? I never give my Artie any butter; what an idea!" "I mean to say you have been giving him a good feed of milk out of the bottle, and now you have been an hour churning it!"