FRAGMENTS FROM A FRANCO-RUSSIAN PHRASE-BOOK.
(Picked up at Toulon after the recent Fêtes.)
AT THE BANQUET.
I am glad to be next to a Russian. Believe me, France has always been the best friend of Russia.... No, that was not France—it was the Corsican. Altogether a different thing.... Were we at the Crimea? It is possible—through the perfidy of those English.... Try some of this old sherry. Your shark-fin soup is delicious.... As I was saying, we are a Republic now, and adore Liberty.... Siberia must be a charming place, and the climate ravishing. You have never been there? A pleasure to come!... Take a carafe of champagne—there is plenty more. We are a democratic nation, and the hearts of our populace go out to an autocrat. I know well that all autocrats are not nice—but yours!! Do have some more champagne.... These are Cailles Schuvaroff. They are Russian—so they must be good!... Do you know that my wife and I kissed the hands of (ten—fifteen—fifty—two hundred) Russian sailors through the portholes of your flagship this afternoon?... Not at all—we quite enjoyed it.... There is a proposal to present your Admiral with a model of the Tour Eiffel in brilliants. I remember it was exhibited in Paris at a franc for admission—but few people went. I wish he may get it. I subscribed ten (Napoleons—francs—centimes) towards the fund for presenting commemorative brooches to the wives, daughters, and sweethearts of your seamen. I hope they will all arrive quite safely.... Have you received a silver cup with a suitable inscription? Only a yellow champagne-glass with a motto! That is mean, miserable, shabby! I will speak to a waiter about it.... Why do you not drink? Fill your glass. I am filling mine.... Have you heard that our warm-hearted nation has forwarded to the Russian Fleet one hundred cases of the best blacking? The Triple Alliance is trembling in its shoes.... You drink nothing! All the same, it seems to me your Tsar might have sent more ships while he was about it. Yes, I repeat; more—and bigger ones. It would have been more polished. But you Russians are not polished; you are cold, brutal, phlegmatic. You remind me of an Englishman I once saw on the stage of the Variétés. But he had red whiskers, and said, "Aoh, yes!" You drink too much. The Russians are all intemperate—it is the climate. So long as you help us to our revenge, we do not care what you are. I speak quite frankly. This is a great day for France. As a Frenchman, I shall never see caviar again without a thrill of heartfelt emotion. But your shark-fin soup was disgusting—beastly. It is that which is making me so ill.... Au revoir, dear friend. I am going under the table for a little while—to think.
Mrs. R. wants to know what was the classic story about Ajax and Telephone? "So," says she, "as that was hundreds of years ago, it isn't such a very new invention."
