ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.
House of Commons, May 8.—"What a day we are having, to be sure!" said Chamberlain, rubbing his hands and smiling delightedly. Things certainly pretty lively to begin with; just got into Committee on Home-Rule Bill; Charlie (my Darling) was to have opened Debate with Amendment on first line of First Clause; but, as he subsequently explained to sympathetic Committee, he was weighed down with feeling of diffidence. House, touched with this unusual weakness on part of Member for Deptford, readily accepted volunteered service of Chamberlain, who undertook to say a few words on another Amendment whilst Darling was recovering.
No diffidence about Joseph. As he observed in stormiest epoch of sitting, he was as cool as a cucumber. "A cucumber with full allowance of vinegar and pepper," Squire of Malwood added, in one of those asides with which he varies the silence of Treasury Bench. Well there was someone at that temperature. Committee, take it all together, in volcanic mood. Peculiarity of situation, as Saunderson put it, with some mixing of metaphor, was that "it was the cucumber that kept the pot a-boiling." Whenever any sign of placidity was visible, Joseph sure to appear on scene, rub someone's hair the wrong way, or stir up some slumbering lion with long pole.
"Ever stop to watch the Punch show in the streets, Toby?" said Plunket. "No, I suppose not; rather personal; recall days before you went into politics. Confess I always do; been chuckling just now over idea that here we have the whole thing played out. There's Mr. Punch in person of Mr. G. Up comes a head, Grandolph's, or someone else's; down comes the baton in the form of the Closure. Everyone supposes that Law and Order are established and things will go smoothly, when suddenly up springs Joey, cool as a cucumber, and upsets everything again. There's nothing new under the sun, not even proceedings in obstruction of Home-Rule Bill."
After dinner Solicitor-General discovered seated on Treasury Bench. A great thirst for speech from him suddenly afflicted Opposition. Mr. G. spoke, and John Morley moved the Closure, but nothing would satisfy them save speech from Rigby. Pauses in conversation were filled by cries upon his name. He sat unresponsive, looking wiser than ever, but still unspeakably wise.
Darling's Amendment got rid of with assistance of Closure. Grandolph rushed in; hotly moved to report progress. Only ten o'clock; two hours more before Debate adjourned. This merrily filled up with divisions, shouting, and scenes. Grandolph's motion to Report Progress being negatived on division. Prince Arthur moved that Chairman leave the Chair, division on which just tided Committee over twelve o'clock, without chance of doing more work.
"I feel twelve years younger," said Grandolph, coming in from last division. "Reminds me of first Session of 1880 Parliament, when we sat below Gangway there, and bandied about these alternative resolutuions, me moving to Report Progress; then, when we came back again, Wolffy, Gorst, or sometimes, to give the boy a turn, Prince Arthur moved that Chairman leave the Chair. That was long before he came into his princedom. House of Commons pretty dull these six years back. After all, it's the same old place, and, if we give our mind to it, we can have the same old game."
Business done.—Got into Committee on Home Rule Bill.