I've seen a goodish many Lord Mare's Shos in my time, and hopes to see a few more, in spite of the gellous growls of another body of gents as shall be nameless, but it woud suttenly be a grand joke to see the gellous body elluded to coming out in a London County show of their own, amid the skoffs and jiers and larfter of the emused Metrolopus!
Robert.
THE "OBERLAND" ROUTE.
["A scheme for making a waterway between Switerland and the Adriatic is to be submitted to the Federal Government at no very distant date."—Westminster Gazette.]
British Minister, Bern, to Lord Rosebery, London.—A Mr. Jones, who says he's a British subject, went up Pilatus to get view. Didn't get it. Also complains of overcharge for candles at his hotel. Have demanded immediate satisfaction from Swiss Government. Please send Mediterranean Squadron to Locarno.
Lord Rosebery, London, to British Minister, Bern.—Can't spare the Squadron. Won't a gunboat do? You may speak strongly to Swiss Government. Tell them insult to Jones is insult to England. Meanwhile, wire best route for fleet to get up to Bern, if necessary. Don't see it on map.
Brit. Min., B., to Lord R.—Owing to Mediterranean Squadron not having appeared at Locarno, Swiss Government very aggressive. Passenger steamers on Lakes of Geneva, Thun, and Lucerne being converted into a fleet. Special new corps d'armée formed from Chamounix guides and patriotic hotel waiters. Man (whose name was Robinson) mistaken for Jones, and mobbed in streets last night. Some kind of Naval Demonstration absolutely necessary. Put ships on rail at Locarno, send 'em through Gothard Tunnel, and there you are!
Lord R. to Brit. Min., B.—British Government recognises gravity of the Jones incident. What do you advise? Aren't the Alps in the way?
Brit. Min., B., to Lord R.—Didn't like to suggest details. Send ironclads. Ram something. Why not bombard Alps. Gunboat moored at Devil's Bridge might shell Andermatt. Leave it to you.