EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.
House of Commons, Monday, September 4.—What happened to-night in connection with the Blameless Bartley, Bart., should have useful effect in checking the tendencies of the censorious. Having settled business arrangements by moving Resolution, Mr. G. skipped out of House to pack up for his journey to Scotland. No boy at end of term more eager for holiday; none more thoroughly earned. In heat of discussion going forward on details of Resolution Mr. G.'s departure not generally noticed. Only one faithful eye—or, to be precise, a couple—followed his passage behind Speaker's chair. Eyes dimmed with tears. For months, from early February to these young September days, Bartley, Bart., has sat opposite Mr. G., has, so to speak, lived in his large and magnificent eye. Now association about to be dissevered by withdrawal of the stately presence from Treasury Bench. And only the other day he had referred to Bartley as "the Hon. Baronet"!
For a while Bartley, Bart., sat silent and sorrowing. If it had been the custom to wear sackcloth on the Opposition benches, and any ashes had been handy, he would undoubtedly have endeavoured to discover what secret consolation their use conveys. Nothing of the kind to be had on the premises. After brooding for a while, he up and spoke. "Where's the Prime Minister?" he cried aloud. House hardly recognised in this wailing voice the stern accents with which it is familiar from the same quarter. "It is not proper that the House should sit without the Prime Minister."
Squire of Malwood (after all a kind-hearted man, quick to sympathy) endeavoured to comfort the Bereaved. "Not proper," he exclaimed, "for House to sit without presence of Prime Minister! Why, for six years we had no Prime Minister here."
"That's all very well, but," as Bartley, still weeping for the Premier and not to be comforted, subsequently observed to Admiral Field, "you can't mend a broken heart by a quip." Hanbury and Tommy Bowles did their best to soothe him; walked him up and down the Terrace; gave him a cup of tea, a bottle of smelling salts, and a cabinet portrait of Mr. G. But it was only late at night, when House had got into Committee, he so far recovered as to move to reduce a vote by £100, in order to plead for some amelioration of the lot of the Treasury Valuer.
Business done.—Arrangements completed for Autumn Session.
LAST WEEK.
Possible but improbable Scene in the Upper House, which perhaps Mr. J-hn B-rns, M.P., may "regret he did not see."