Oh cells—or snows—of yester-year?
Or what you truly were fashioned for
Our "unicellular ancestor"?
The Modern "Tender" Passion.—Bimetallism.
ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
Extracted from the Diary of Toby, M.P.
House of Commons, Monday, September 11.—Alpheus Cleophas walking about the Lobby with a new foot-rule obtrusively held in his hand. Thought at first he was going to probe somebody, after the fashion of Swift MacNeill, in rare access of ferocity.
"No," he said, when I asked him if that was his business; "we are presently going to debate question of appointment of Duke of Connaught to command at Aldershot. I want to know precisely how far out of the line of fighting the Duke was at Tel-el-Kebir. You know Campbell-Bannerman's suave manner. When I put question to him, he'll say, 'How can I tell the Hon. Member, not having a foot rule in my pocket.' As soon as he says that, I whip this out; he will sit confounded, and either we shall get at the truth of a matter with which country is deeply concerned, or Campbell-Bannerman must go. I have no personal interest in such a contingency. If there were a vacancy at the War Office, it is, of course, quite possible that Mr. G. might think of me. I fancy in Committee on the Army Estimates I have shown I know a thing or two. But that is neither here nor there. It will be time to decide on the offer when it is made, if indeed prejudices, from which even Liberal Ministry are not free, do not stand in the way. At present I want to know, within a foot or two—no one can say I'm unreasonable—how far off the fighting the Duke of Connaught stood, and Campbell-Bannerman will have to answer the question."