Mr. Boswell: I hope, Sir, you do not mean what you say.
The President (with great severity): Yes, Sir, I do. I think that the man who would write the life of another without his sanction is unworthy—— (Cries of "Agreed.") The learned Doctor continued. He did not wish to force his sentiments upon any one. No doubt his opinions were considered behind the time. Everything had changed nowadays, and even his Dictionary was, more or less, superseded by an American Lexicon. He called upon the Emperor Napoleon Buonaparte to move the first resolution.
The Emperor Napoleon Buonaparte expressed his satisfaction that he should have been allowed to take the lead in this matter. It reminded him of old times, when he took the lead in everything. ("Hear, hear.") He represented, he supposed, "Biographies in General,"—as he had not much sympathy with British worthies. He wished bygones to be bygones ("Hear, hear"), but he must say that the conduct of Sir Hudson Lowe was—— (Interruption.) Well, he did not wish to press the matter further. ("Hear, hear.") There was no doubt that unless a man wrote his autobiography he was always misrepresented. (Cheers.) It was high time that some control should be put upon the publication of the lives of those who had joined the majority. He had much pleasure in proposing the following resolution: "It is the opinion of this meeting of Shades assembled in council in Elysium that steps should be taken to prevent the dissemination of false information about their prior existences."
Sir Walter Scott said that it gave him great pleasure to second a resolution moved with such admirable discretion by his imperial and heroic friend the last speaker. He had the greater satisfaction in doing this as it might lead to a new and amended edition of his own "Life of Napoleon."
A Shade, who refused to give either his name or address, begged to oppose the motion. In his opinion modern biographies were a great deal better than work of the same kind of an earlier date. ("No, no.") But he said "Yes, yes." It was now quite the fashion to whitewash everyone. He would testify that he recently read a biography of himself without recognising the subject. Since then his self esteem had increased a hundred fold. (Laughter.) He thought it would be a great mistake to interfere. They had much better leave things as they were.
Mr. William Shakspeare (who was received with applause) asked permission to offer a practical suggestion. Although he was a poet, he was also a man of business. (Laughter.) He spoke smarting under a personal grievance. It was common knowledge that only a short while ago the bulk of his works was declared to have been written by Bacon. (Cries of "Shame.") However, it was no use to pass resolutions unless they could carry them into effect. He would therefore move an amendment to the resolution already before them, to the following effect: "That to carry out any arrangement that may be considered necessary, those present pledge themselves to subscribe a crown a piece." He proposed this under the impression that, granted the requisite funds, it would be possible to communicate with the mundane authorities.
Sir Isaac Newton had much pleasure in seconding the amendment. He might add, that it was quite within the resources of science to do all that was required. He would explain in detail how it could be done.
The learned gentleman then began a lecture, with the effect that the meeting rapidly dissolved. After he had been speaking for an hour and a quarter, he discovered that he had no auditors.