ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
Extracted from the Diary of Toby, M.P.
House of Commons, Monday, June 25.—Asquith back on Treasury Bench quite a changed man. Anxious air that marked his appearance through last week disappeared. Painful to watch him as he then sat on Bench with one eye on the door. Started at rustle of paper of amendments. Half rose from his seat if a book fell.
"Yes Toby," he said, when I congratulated him on the happy accomplishment of the event; "it's not the kind of thing I should like to go through every six months. Till he's tried it, no one knows what it is to have a steam engine stationed at his front door night and day with steam up ready to whisk him off to White Lodge at a moment's notice." Home Secretary managed to keep much cooler than the Mayor of Richmond. This morning the papers ablaze with telegrams from that functionary. Szlumper is his name, Surrey is his county. As soon as notification made of birth of prince, Szlumper took off his coat and set to work. First telegraphed to happy Duke and Duchess of Teck at White Lodge. Then bethought him of happier father; so Duke of York hears from Szlumper who "trusts Her Royal Highness and son are doing well." Szlumper's appetite growing with what it feeds upon, he next approaches Her Majesty with "loyal and sincere congratulations." Finally, the Prince and Princess of Wales at Marlborough House hear from him. Szlumper always signs his name tout court, like a peer of the realm.
"He's splendid this Szlumper," said the Member for Sark. "Reminds me of a story I heard in America about Judge Hoar. He had great dislike to Wendell Phillips. When the great orator died they gave him a splendid funeral. A friend meeting the judge on morning of event said, 'Aren't you going to the funeral?' 'No,' said Hoar, 'but I approve it.'"
It wasn't Szlumper's accouchement. But he approves it.
Still on Budget; getting near end of first part, which deals with death duties. The Busy B.'s, seeing the close of opportunity at hand, dash about with redoubled vigour.
Oh! 'tis Bartley and Bowles and Byrne,
And Byrne and Bartley and Bowles.