Ah-h-h-h!!! Farewell to the Chair, to the Mace, to the Bar!
To tedious twaddle and purposeless jar!—
Away from the House, and its toils, and its cares,
I hope to sit snug in my snuggest of chairs.
To mount that old Chair was my pride, to be sure;
But—the House got ill-mannered, its air grew impure:
And the sights I have seen there on many a day
Were worthy a lot of young Yahoos at play.
Ah! yet that old Chamber had corners and nooks,
Which seemed haunted by friendly, familiar old spooks.
The Gossetts, O'Gormans, and Gladstones! All ends!
But escaping old bothers means missing old friends.
Old chums, like old china, though possibly cracked,
With rickety tempers, and wits broken-backed,
Old memory treasures. And when shall men see
Such champions as Dizzy and W. G.?
No better divan need young Abbas require
Than this snug Easy Chair well drawn up to the fire.
Off robes! Wig avaunt! Now I'm cosy!—And yet,
If there's something to gladden, there's much to regret.
Why is it one clings to some genial old scamp?
Why is it one sticks to a worn-out old gamp?
Why is it, despite my relief, I feel drawn
To that hard high-backed Chair I so long sat upon?
Long, long through the hours, and the night, and the chimes
Have I sat, yawned and ached in the tiresome old times,
When faction and fog filled the House, and for me
The Chamber was pitiless pur-ga-to-ree!
Now comfort and quiet will gladden my rest,
And tedium no longer will torture my breast,
For that finest of Seats ever padded with hair
I am going to exchange for my own Easy Chair!
If Chairs had but speech it would whisper alarms
To him who's next clasped in its stuffy old arms.
How long there I languished, and lolled in despair—
Till I wished myself wood like the rest of "the Chair!"
A decade and more since I first filled the place!*
There's many a form and there's many a face
Have vanished since I donned the wig of grey hair,
And sat and looked stately, at ease in that Chair.