A. A. M.
A DESPERATE MEASURE.
West Country Skipper (stationary in small Cornish port and ignorant of our Navy's control of the sea). "If I puts out an' goes East I be sunk by t' Germans, an' if I goes South I be sunk by t' Austria-'Ungrians. It du seem as 'ow I were best to bide where I be an' gi' t' old ship a coat o' paaint!"
THE WATCH DOGS.
My dear Bill,—It is now upwards of a fortnight since we were torn asunder, I being taken away to cope with the Germans and you being left at home to protect our property against the predatory attacks of our landlady. I imagine you would like to know how things are going with me, but please don't trouble to answer, for I don't in the least want to know how things are going with you. No one does, my boy; you are what we refer to as a something civilian. You must forgive us, Bill; it is one of the too few pleasures in the life of the mobilized Territorial.
Has that rosy, well-groomed body of yours ever sought repose on the tessellated floor of a public hall? Has it ever washed itself in an enamel mug? Has it ever set out on a round of visits with luggage limited to 35 lbs., inclusive of its bed? No, nor had mine before; and yet it doesn't seem to suffer much harm from the experience. What is more, we are beginning to find scope for little luxuries even in this narrow compass; there are mess tins, for instance, of the larger sort in which one may, with a little ingenuity, have a complete bath.