Harry. But pray, Sir, why did not the antagonistic parties bring the case into a Court of Law so as to obtain a decision.
Mr. Barlow. Your own experience, Harry, will, doubtless, one of these days furnish you with sufficient reason for the persons interested not having given employment to the gentlemen of the long robe. There was no claimant to the title living, and there was nothing beyond a title to be claimed; for, whether on the one hand (with Eusebius) revering him as a Saint, or, on the other (with Gibbon) abusing him as "the infamous George," both sides admitted the object of their contention to have been long since deceased. He is, however, the patron Saint of England, and owes his great reputation in modern times to managers of Theatres at Christmas, and writers of extravaganzas and of Pantomimes, to whom his history is invaluable, as affording marvellous opportunities for great scenic display, and spectacular effect, while the Saintly Knight himself seldom fails to find an admirable representative in either a young lady of considerable personal attractions (as here at Astley's) or in some eccentric and grotesque gentleman like one of the lithsome Paynes, or the agile Mr. Vokes, whose extraordinary feats, with his legs, we have already witnessed at Drury Lane Theatre. I confess, however, that I do not perceive by what process St. George has been brought into the comparatively modern legend of Lady Godiva.
Harry. It seems to me, Sir, that you intended us just now to remark some diverting jest in your use of the words "feats" and "legs," which Tommy, I fear, has failed to comprehend.
Mr. Barlow. Indeed, Harry, you are quite right, and I trust that both you, and Tommy, will be able to utter such pleasantries yourselves with a full appreciation of their value. I regret to notice that Miss Sheridan, who, with much discretion, performs the part of the Lady Godiva, is suffering from cold, and is, consequently, a little hoarse. This is natural at Astley's.
Then, turning to Tommy, and smiling in his usual kind manner, Mr. Barlow said, "My dear Tommy, although you have not yet mastered the amusing puns which I made in my recent discourse, you can, it may be, tell me why Miss Sheridan resembles a pony?"
Tommy, whose whole attention was now given to the scene, expressed his intention of at once renouncing all attempts at solving this problem. Whereupon Mr. Barlow cheerfully replied that Miss Sheridan so far resembled a pony, inasmuch as she was, unfortunately, on that evening, "a little hoarse." Harry laughed at this sally, and, indeed, considered his beloved tutor a prodigy of wit and ingenuity; but it was otherwise with Tommy, who remained silent and depressed during the greater part of the entertainment; and, indeed, it was not until the very effective Transformation Scene that Tommy's unbounded pleasure and admiration once more found vent in the most unqualified applause, in which the entire audience joined.
Harry. These expressions of delight remind me of the story you read to me the other day, Sir, called Agesiläus and the Elastic Nobleman. As Tommy has not heard it I will——
But at this moment a vast assemblage of children on the stage, habited as soldiers, commenced the National Anthem at the top of their voices, which for the time put an end to further conversation.
On quitting the theatre, Tommy, who from having been in a state of the greatest elation had once more resumed the sober and saddened aspect with which he had listened to his tutor's discourse during the play, took Harry aside, and declared to him, with tears in his eyes, that from that day forward he would never rest till he had made himself thoroughly acquainted with all the jokes in the English language, and had perfected himself in the art of constructing new ones.
"Your determination, Master Tommy," replied his young friend, "reminds me of the story of Darius and the Corrugated Butcher; but, as I am too fatigued to-night to remember its main features, I will defer the recital of it till to-morrow morning."