The young and the gay and the country population have been led astray by the Speaker's misleading title[A]—the fact being that the Speaker does not speak, except on very rare occasions.
[A] Lucus a non lucendo.—Sil. Ital. de Arbor., xv., 1019.
The Speaker hears all the speeches which are made during the time he is in the Chair, for he must never sleep while on duty; but as most of those who have filled the office have lived on, Session after Session, we may hope that they did not consider themselves bound always to listen. Even, however, with this relaxation, the poor composition, the defective grammar, the arid statistics, the threadbare quotations, the hesitations, the repetitions, the bad delivery, the awkward action, the wrong emphasis, Mr. Denison must have heard and seen through fifteen long years, cannot but have caused him untold suffering. It seems almost incredible that there should be any competition for the horrors of such a post.
The Speaker has a salary, a secretary, a chaplain, a counsel, a residence, and an allowance for keeping the Mace in order. When he retires, he has a peerage and a pension, and is allowed to take his Wig and Gown and Chair away with him.
The Speaker, although not one of the commoner sort, is the first Commoner in the land.
The Speaker is entitled to many privileges. He can show friends (not exceeding four at a time) over both Houses of Parliament without an order from the Lord Chamberlain; he can take books out of the Library on leaving a small deposit; he can call a wherry and go on the river whenever he pleases; every tenth cygnet born between Lambeth and London Bridge is his by prescriptive right; and he is at liberty to charge the Consolidated Fund with the cost of any refreshment he may require during official hours, and with all cab fares to and from the House.
The most terrible exercise of the Speaker's authority is when he "names" a Member. The miserable man is committed to the Tower for life, and allowed no book to read but Hansard; his estates are forfeited to the Crown, and once a year, on the day when he committed the offence for which he was "named," he is taken by the Constable of the Tower in a tumbril to Westminster, to beg pardon of the Speaker and the House on his knees.
The Speaker may be either a bachelor, a married man, or a widower, but he must be one of the three.
If a new Member shows any eccentricity in his dress, manners, speech, or general deportment, the Speaker asks him to tea, and quietly points out to him the impropriety of which he has been guilty.
At 2 A.M., at a moment's notice, without any opportunity of consulting authorities, the Speaker may be called upon to state what was the practice of the House in the reign of Edward the Third, or to remember a precedent established during the time Sir Thomas More filled the office, or to enforce a Standing Order coëval with the Long Parliament.