Monday, May 11. Received, by appointment, a deputation from the electors of New Marylebone, inviting me to candidate that District at the next General Election. Mrs. Admiral Stenterton, and Miss Lydia Boss Wolloby, the dominant spokeswomen. Spread out my views on the Husbands' Regulation Movement, the Cigar-Tax, the Compulsory Inspection of Men's Clubs, and the Repudiation of the National Debt. All satisfactory, and I agreed to retire from Jutley. Deputation luncheoned with me. No place kept for Alfred, who had to sit at a side-table.
To the Club (the Gynecium), and flashed a long private cryptogram to the Chairwoman of my Committee at Jutley. Dined at the Club. After dinner in the Fumitory. Took a Cabriole to the Saloon. Driver an extortionist; but I knew the exact distance, to the tenth of a kilometre. Saloon debating the Juries Exemption (Women) Bill. Spoke, I think, with sensation. The venerable Earl of Hughenden came in as I was perorating. Alfred, in the Gentlemen's Gallery, in tears. I wore my black velvet and point lace pelerine, with the diamond star he gave me after the Jutley election. That tiresome, tedious, insufferable Hannah Longbore (how South-West Suffolk stands her so long I cannot imagine) prosed on against the Bill, and sided with the Men, but we fidgeted her down at last. She had on that old crimson satin which has seen three sessions at least! Maiden speech from Marian Spray—pretty enough. Forget what Men spoke. Mrs. Leader Donne, the lovely (!) and accomplished Member for Ironville, closed the debate. Rather too great a parade of learning; positively she quoted Lycophron in the original! But we all see through Mrs. Leader's schemes—she means the Educational Under-Secretaryship, when Bella Falayse goes to the Upper Saloon as a Peeress jure suo. Home by Twelve. Alfred sitting up for me. What a resource that Hortus Siccus is to him!
Tuesday, May 12.—Card from Madge Bassingham, R.A., for her Inaugural Praelection, as Pigmentary Professor at the Royal Academy. Could not go, as I was engaged on a Committee at the Saloon—Metropolis Extension, Brighton Annexation Bill. Dined with Mrs. Abraham Skrooley, M.P. Woman's party. The Constantia exquisite. Discussed over our cigarettes the arrangements for the approximating Women's Cosmopolitan Congress. Alfred and one or two other Men came in the evening.
Wednesday, May 13. Not well in the morning. Flashed for Dr. Martha Walkingholme. She was detained at the Spleen Hospital, but her partner, Harriet Chamomile, came and applied the Magnetic Detonator to my spine and the backs of my ears. Instant relief. In the evening at the Biennial Banquet of the Indigent Widowers' Pension Fund at Willis's. The Duchess of Middlesex in the chair. After dinner the Indigent Widowers circuited the tables, and attracted much attention by their neat and respectable appearance. I proposed the toast of "The Gentlemen." Alfred responsed, and for a wonder did not break down.
Thursday, May 14. Gave Cook a lesson on the harp before breakfast. Sitting in the Library reading Mill's "Woman Triumphant," when my electric alarum rang. Message from Oxford from my youngest sister, Bianca, to say that she had that instant been elected Fellow of Carlyle College. Three hundred and ten competitors. Tremendous examination, lasting three weeks. Bianca's thorough domination of Russian, Japanese, political economy, statistics, aërostatics, electrology, hygiene and thermapeutics, gave her the victory. Hope some day she will stand for the University. For joy I took a half holiday. (Left Alfred quite happy with his silkworms.) Gymnastic relaxation at the Palaestra on the Expanse at Hampstead. Then by Tube to Dover. Tunnelled over to Paris, shopped, and back by the six rapid. Might have stayed later for we could not make a Saloon: seven short of the legal Quorum, a hundred—so many Members (men, I need hardly say) absent at the Great International Croquet Tryst at the Crystal Palace. Passed an hour pleasantly at the Diatomaceous Society, of which I have lately been balloted a Fellow.
Friday, May 15. Busy all the morning preparing my oration on the "Wise Sayings of Wise Women in all Countries and Epochs," for the Congress. (Interrupted twice by Alfred, who had got the housekeeping accounts and the washing-book into a fearful muddle.) Great meeting at 3'30 in Emancipation Hall, to welcome Mrs. Hale Columbia Spragg, the first female President of the United States. She has transited the Atlantic to attend our Congress, but can only be present at this evening's Inauguratory, as she must be in New York again before sundown to-morrow. Went to the Saloon, but it immediately adjourned, on the motion of Mr. Theodore Stuke, to enable the Lady Members to festinate to the Congress. Immense success. Fifteen hundred Delegates from every country in the world processed down the Hall, and then arranged themselves by Continents on the gilded dais. Twenty-five thousand women computed to be present in the Spectatorium. Our distinguished champion and unflinching Hegemon, Amelia Smackles, assumed the presidential throne. Incessant coruscations of enthusiasm, which culminated when a black sister moved the fourteenth resolution, demanding the total, immediate, and unconditional transfer of all menial labour from Woman to Man. Did not get home till 1 p.m. Left my key behind me, so obliged to rouse up Alfred, who was in bed, in great distress at the loss of one of his canaries, and had forgotten to order my stout. Vexatious!
Saturday, May 16. Dejeuned at the Constellation Hotel with dear Amelia, to meet Mrs. President Spragg, Chief Justice Roberta Cokestone (from Liberia), the Lady Warden of the Cinque Ports, the Lady Mayoress, the Mistress of the Mint, and other forward Members of the Congress. The President left us at noon. She would balloon over to New York in five hours and a half. Quiet dinner at Richmond in the evening. Only Amelia, two of the elder Sisters of the Trinity House, and the Delegates from Germany, Turkey, Greece, and China. Bianca joined us unexpectedly from Oxford, and introduced her bosom friend, the Professor of Anatomy, Henrietta Stott Trawsell. Delightful promenade by the river before dinner. Met Alfred fishing for gudgeon.
MORE EDUCATION-FIGHT.
Punch shudders to see the Metric question raised again. Are we not in the thick of an Educational War already? Will our contemporaries abstain from putting new reasons for quarrel into the heads of fanatics. We shall certainly have the Decimal business taken up by Denominationalists and by Secularists. Ten fingers point out that the natural law is one of decimals. Also, there are ten commandments for the theologian. On the other hand, there are twelve signs of the Zodiac: this for nature; and twelve Apostles: this for theology. O, please let the matter alone, and let the little boys and girls be taught anyhow, so that they are taught at all.